Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Place Where I Work: Sad sac

Another week and I am still here. I feel a mix of shame and 'it figures'. Shame because of my ego and 'it figures' because I must always remember this is ME and my luck is funny, ironic and mostly non-existent.
My ego can be a beast-sometimes I envision choking it to a near death, like when Ruddy Kors pretty much explains they don't want me to leave. Then The Doctor explains that she doesn't want me to leave because I am phenomenal at what I do.
What I do a trained chimp in excellent wedge heels could do-the chimp would also have to enjoy cock humor and cupcakes.
So, upon hearing how great and needed I am, I kinda shrugged my shoulders and was like: alright. Ruddy Kors has also stopped being a total wanker and pulling his (work)weight.
Then they asked me to do this diet thing-normally any woman who is asked to be a before and after...the face of a diet, would jump at the chance mostly from being mortified.
I am secure enough to know I should/could shed like 15-20 lbs, but I am not into diets or dieting...then my ego crept in and I was like: ooo the face of something because my face is FABULOUS!
Honestly though, even after I research and see the proclamations of how great the diet is-I won't do it.

Even after all that, still don't know how much longer I'll be here...without kicking a lot of shit.

Then there are the matters of the heart...or lack thereof. I think I had a brief convo with that mostly dumb but hot football guy who is a patient and I thought of Johnny Blue Eyes again and realized I missed my chance. *sigh*
Now I shall long for what never was and become the fabulous woman with a lot of gay male friends...companions even, like Liza Minelli and he husband...or ex-hubby.

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