Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Ice & Me.


Sometimes, when the days are long and bad, I like to go to a place (mentally) where Ice T is my best friend/father figure.

In this world, Ice and I met when I was 10. He came to my school to talk to kids about drugs and for some reason I stood out to him because I said he looked like a pimp and pimpin’ ho’s is like selling drugs.
He liked that I was young n’ sassy. So he took me under his wing-not the hooker wing- the ‘imma always look out for this girl’ wing. Growing up, Ice looked out for me- really can you imagine if this were true??!! Imagine how efficient n’ brutal my hate would be.

Where was I?
So yeah. On a day like today where I pretty much hate.everyone, I‘d call Ice and the convo would go something like this…

Ice T: Hey Sweet T…

Me: Hey, Ice…

Ice T: You sound down...

Me: Yeah, mofo’s here are shitty-

Ice T: What have I told you about shitty people?

Me: …they do shitty things and I gotta be like Clorox and disinfect their asses.

Ice T: Right. That and flush those bitches! Don’t let them suckas steal your shine cuz without that shine you’ll have no glow…

Me:…and without that glow I won’t get that dough because I’ll be ugly.

Ice T: Right. Ugly bitches never get top dollar. Even in the corporate world-

Me: Sometimes-

Ice T: Okay, maybe once in a while, but I bet no one is deep dickin’ them…

Me: Pretty bitches, like myself, have a hard time with that too…

Ice T: I’ve told you what your problem is; you go for bitch ass dudes. A man will straighten your ass out.

Me: I know, Ice. One day…

Ice T: And I am not talkin’ about no Jake Gyllenhaal and Justin Timberlake either-my balls have more cock than them…

Me: Hmmm…those are just fantasy guys-

Ice T: Too much fantasy with you-imagination ain’t gonna deep dick you.

Me: You’re right, Ice. What about imagination and a toy?

Ice T: (chuckles, which is a prize in itself) You crazy, T. Listen, come by my crib. We’ll play skee ball and drink daquiries.

Me: Sounds like a plan.

The End.

Man! Even typing this made me feel better. If Ice and I really knew each other, this is EXACTLY how it would be!!! *sigh*
That’s it. 2010 will be about procuring Ice T as a friend/life coach/mentor.

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