Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Ice & Me.
Sometimes, when the days are long and bad, I like to go to a place (mentally) where Ice T is my best friend/father figure.
In this world, Ice and I met when I was 10. He came to my school to talk to kids about drugs and for some reason I stood out to him because I said he looked like a pimp and pimpin’ ho’s is like selling drugs.
He liked that I was young n’ sassy. So he took me under his wing-not the hooker wing- the ‘imma always look out for this girl’ wing. Growing up, Ice looked out for me- really can you imagine if this were true??!! Imagine how efficient n’ brutal my hate would be.
Where was I?
So yeah. On a day like today where I pretty much hate.everyone, I‘d call Ice and the convo would go something like this…
Ice T: Hey Sweet T…
Me: Hey, Ice…
Ice T: You sound down...
Me: Yeah, mofo’s here are shitty-
Ice T: What have I told you about shitty people?
Me: …they do shitty things and I gotta be like Clorox and disinfect their asses.
Ice T: Right. That and flush those bitches! Don’t let them suckas steal your shine cuz without that shine you’ll have no glow…
Me:…and without that glow I won’t get that dough because I’ll be ugly.
Ice T: Right. Ugly bitches never get top dollar. Even in the corporate world-
Ice T: Okay, maybe once in a while, but I bet no one is deep dickin’ them…
Me: Pretty bitches, like myself, have a hard time with that too…
Ice T: I’ve told you what your problem is; you go for bitch ass dudes. A man will straighten your ass out.
Me: I know, Ice. One day…
Ice T: And I am not talkin’ about no Jake Gyllenhaal and Justin Timberlake either-my balls have more cock than them…
Me: Hmmm…those are just fantasy guys-
Ice T: Too much fantasy with you-imagination ain’t gonna deep dick you.
Me: You’re right, Ice. What about imagination and a toy?
Ice T: (chuckles, which is a prize in itself) You crazy, T. Listen, come by my crib. We’ll play skee ball and drink daquiries.
Me: Sounds like a plan.
Man! Even typing this made me feel better. If Ice and I really knew each other, this is EXACTLY how it would be!!! *sigh*
That’s it. 2010 will be about procuring Ice T as a friend/life coach/mentor.