Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Place Where I Work: To Be LOVED!


The goings on of my office ‘romances’ astound me. Actually, everything astounds me in my current jet lagged/exhausted state.
It seems I was missed by my work boo’s. Awww. No candlelight vigils, but they definitely seemed excited to see me…which is usually not the case with most people. Not that I am not amazing or fantastic, it’s just that I don’t put a stir in the air…just in your pants. OHHHH!
So, literally I walk into the office and there is Drake. Suddenly Drake is behind me. He quickly mentions that if it weren’t so early in the day he would grab me up for a hug!
Slow down boo I don’t know what time zone I’m in.
After he calms down a bit he tells me about this outfit he was about to buy, but didn’t because of whatever reason and now he has this party to go to and he NEEDS that outfit.
After not really listening because I was sleeping with my eyes open, I tell him to stop being a chick and to leave me alone.
He continues on about how the clothes would match his silver sneakers (oy) perfectly.
I look at him, meaningfully in his gorgeous (really gorgeous) sunlit brown eyes (they are almost golden colored) and say: Eff your sneakers. Eff your outfit and eff your couch!
Drakes stares at me a bit, chuckles and leaves me alone. He later tells me that he missed seeing my face. I told him to calm down.
Then B’s boo…who I’ve stolen-we affectionately call him: Quinger (queer + ginger), Sheeps Queef and Waspy Wang.
Anywho, he missed me too. Things are intense with him because last week the company let go of a shitload of people. See, when mergers happen…shit happens. Like not having 2 to 4 people for the same job. No matter though, Quinger never let’s go of his James Spader- like creepiness. He does this thing where he says my name slowly while he stares and slowly walks towards or away from me. B and I have concluded that he is NOT creepy in a skin stealing way, more in that he is just like a creepy box of cupcakes-like if the cupcakes were in the shape of body parts…but were cupcakes.
…and now thanks to a company wide promotion of a chat feature that NO ONE uses in an internal program…well now everyone is using it! Including this guy I’ll call Really Tall Urkel who started chatting with Blair out of the blue. She was nice to him till he said something condescending and lame like a lot of the male species around here tends to do so she has NO TIME for him. Awww.
The chat program been pretty amazing and brought me closer to Quinger, who I am getting to know for B so that they can have Waspy Tree Sex (it’s a movement).
Then there is The King of Zamunda. He is called this because he has the SAME name as one of the characters in Coming To America-I will not tell you which and it is NOT that obvious. The King of Zamunda isn’t your typical financial type douchebag, he seems a tad nicer. Boring and lame all the same, but nice. He is also mad for me, but he is short…and I don’t do the work thing.
It’s tough when bitches KEEP falling in love with me! TOUGH!

With the newness of this chat feature and the planning of ANOTHER office happy hour…me thinks Spring is going to be quite interesting around here.

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