Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It’s Not Like You Care, but Deep Down You Kinda Do (pt 1)

Tiger Woods:
I refuse to join ranks with the salty dicks that like to discuss The Wood (Tiger’s nickname that I’ve given him) and his penchant for truck-stop whores. I do not care! Really, I don’t. Being that I am NOT sexually attracted to The Wood, he is not on my radar- or cooch-dar if you will. It’s great what he’s done in the world of golf…and sure The Blacks won him in Chappelle’s Racial Draft, but that dude could give a fuck about a Negro! So, I’m pullin’ a Kan-ye and saying he doesn’t care about Black people and shouldn’t be commended for what he’s done for Blacks and the golf game. Eff that.
Another thing, peeps say that he needed to apologize because of this squeaky clean image he portrayed. Key word: portrayed.
If you haven’t learn by now that people are FUCKED. UP.
Do not get out of bed. Ever again!

Tila Tequila:
My friend B turned to me today and said: I think Tila Tequila died!
My first reaction (the truest one) was to smile and say GOOD! Then after a few seconds I felt horrible, but not that horrible.
She’s alive.

John Mayer:I may have liked (though I’d never admit it in public) some of his songs. I think I even own like 2 of his CD’s. That hasn’t changed how much I WOULDN’T BONE THAT DUDE with someone else’s vaginal walls.
Needless to say I am not surprised by the amount of RIDUNKULOUS bullshit that he allows to escape his lips. I mean look at that dude-he is FUGLY. The only reason he’s getting laid now is because he writes cool songs and plays a guitar. He knows it. I know it. My cat knows it. He was still FUGLY back in the day before all his success, and now that he has tasted a Grammy or 2…along with JSimps combustible cooch-he thinks he’s hot shit. He’s not. John Mayer is a bitch. A bitch with a platform-i.e. a Twitter account.
May his racist cock fall off in a vat of gravy and he is forced to eat it while listening to all his CD’s…and then this is uploaded onto YouTube where we can all watch, point and laugh.

Whitney Houston:
Don’t want to kill a dream, but Whitney is still on them rocks. Eff what you heard!

The Kardashian’s:
I don’t give a FUCK about a Kardashian.

Jake Gyllenhaal:
When I heard he broke up with Reese Witherspoon, this filled me with the kind of glee and hope that further shows how far I dance from reality.
One day, Jake.

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