Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Conversations with Ice T: The Picnic
Ice T and I wanted to enjoy these last few moments of summer with a picnic in the park. So he packed a basket and I brought my UNO cards-along with a chilled rose`. We spread out a black blanket that has an airbrushed pic of Ice nude on it. I am not put off by this, I am more put off by his cucumber sandwiches with a lime yogurt spread on them. He also packed crudites with hummus.
Ice notices my grumpiness.
Ice T: Sweet T, what crawled up your ass, died and is now haunting it?
Me: What’s with these bitch ass sandwiches-
Ice T: This is a picnic! Picnics are classy! (he opens the rose`) You are lucky you brought this so I can calm my nerves…
Me: Ice, it’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts…but come on!
Ice T: Ain’t nothing wrong with finger food. Everything can’t be fried chicken and risotto…
Me: mmmm risotto….
Ice T: Did you even try a sandwich? (he hands one to me, I begrudgingly take it and bite)
Me: (surprised) This is delicious, Ice! I’m so sorry!!
Ice T: Always runnin’ that mouth instead of just keepin’ it shut or putting something useful in it. (chuckles at his own perversion)
Me: Nice one. To be fair, I don’t think the sandwich was the only thing I was angry about.
Ice T: Figured. You’ve been better about not bullshittin’ with your feelings though…
Me: I know, but I am still not good with people. You think their cool, but mostly they suck-
Ice T: …and not always in a good way.
Me: Double true, Ice. Enough about me, congratulations are in order for you! Getting them bunk ass charges dropped.
Ice T: Yeah, they were on some bullshit. Lucky I don’t go in the studio and kill ‘em with verses or do some viral video-
Me: You could have Coco tweet a pic of her wiping her ass with the tickets…
Ice T: See, this is why I don’t mind when you offend my finger foods- I love the way that mind works! (we toast with our rose` and proceed with a game of UNO)