Monday, August 23, 2010

The Koala is Obsessed with Me.

Someone asked me recently WHY I hated Usher and I couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason. I couldn’t even tell you when it all started, but the one thing I do know is I have a strong dislike for that Hatian Koala. Peeps who know me, know that few things are very certain with me: I am hungry, I am always down for an open bar, I cannot lie, and I hate Usher.
I own some of his music, can sing along to some of his songs, but if I saw that dude anywhere in da club…I’d leave. He fills me with such disdain. I think one of the sorta reasons is that he is gay yet continues this charade of liking women. I have a thing against people who refuse to just be themselves. Don’t trust them fuckers.
Perhaps I’ve been too vehement about my dislike for Mr. Raymond because suddenly he is all up in my George Foreman! First, he gets with a chick with a similar name as me…if not THE EXACT same name- but I am being incognito remember…
Then Friday after a the wonderful theatrical experience that was The Expendables, I went to eat at The Stand- which is this delectable burger joint. I was hesitant about getting alcohol…and then decided on a rootbeer float. The waiter must’ve sensed the 550 lb chick that lives within that has exquisite taste, and so he gave me a sideways glance and said: the gelato shakes are good. They did look delish! Easily swayed, I ordered a Reeses Peanut Buttercup one. The waiter gave me a glowing smile. I am soooo glad I listened to him. That drink was what I imagine having sex with a hot delicious man would be like in my mouth- woah- what I meant by that was that mini gelato shake made my lady parts tingle. Upon seeing my ‘o’ face the waiter then informs me that 2 hours prior to my x-rated enjoyment…USHER sat in almost the same spot I did and drank the SAME shake. Ugh. I was pissed and told the waiter to take the drink away-then I almost cut his pinky off with a butter knife when he half assedly attempted to do so.
People don’t understand how upset I really was by this. I am so sick of that Koala intruding on my life with his O.M.G and drinking shakes I enjoy. He needs to stay in his lane. He also needs to COME OUT!

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