Monday, August 30, 2010

Wade In My Misery


…just for a little while.
I cannot talk about work today because if I do I am afraid I will gross out my two readers (me and Ice T) to the point of no return! Instead, I will discuss my amazing Friday biking experience and how online dating has worked for me so far.
…because I am a stickler for not leaving people hanging I will just say this…when I came in this morning the one other woman I work with says…to me…and I only had two sips of my coffee…that…she had her period and realized she also had a yeast infection so she took medication which caused her lady parts to swell.
*cough gag cough*
Listen, I am a grown ass woman but I am a VISUAL woman, so visualizing someone’s swollen lady parts is not how I like to start off my Monday morning.
This is why I cannot write about my work day- because really what can you say after that????? She thankfully stopped talking when she saw my lil almondy eyes stretched as wide as they could possibly go.

So, this past Friday I decided to go biking with my friend Mel aka Iron Woman- because she has done the Iron Man triathlon twice and is just all around more athletic than I- pretty much a toddler is more athletic than I am. This biking excursion was significant because I haven’t been on a bike in about 15 years! I kinda count the stationary bikes at the gym…but not really. It is so true what they say, once you learn how to ride you never forget. I was so gungho that I rode across the Brooklyn Bridge twice and all through Brooklyn Heights and DUMBO. It was such a freeing and relaxing experience- plus the part that I am not dead, I didn’t hit anyone or anything AND I didn’t fall. Woo hoo for me! Thought about rewarding myself at a Happy Hour but once I came down from my ‘ridin’ dirty high’ I realized that EVERYTHING was sore or hurt. From my shoulders to my lady parts to my quads. This is all good I hear, but not so good when I was walking and sitting like I got a train run on me by the cast of Oz. I did a few Yoga (I know!) stretches I remembered and that helped with the shoulders and lower back pain . By mid Saturday after walking around for a bit and then laying out in a park- I felt much better.
Mel aka Iron Woman says our next biking excursion will be along the West Side highway and I cannot wait!!- will stretch a lot beforehand though. (The drawing above shows Mel and I with our bikes and a sign saying: No ER because I didn’t wanna end up with a broken anything…or dead though I am the same asshole who didn’t wanna wear a helmet because my fedora looked better)

As for the online dating thing, it is much like my non online dating life in that I am left pondering: Why?
Why do I bother? Why are dudes either into 20 year olds, Latina’s, White chicks, glam bitches, but not a somewhat mature woman from Brooklyn who embraces her inner child and tends to lean more towards violence than hugs?
Much like the non online dating life it is the luck of the draw, online is just better at shooting people down. It is also easier with breaking the ice. I think I am still a lil too apprehensive for it, but I’m trying. No one has blown my mind and much like the non online dating I am like: meh.
The only thing resembling a prospect-which really isn’t anything at all- is my fuckery with B and her brother who just moved to the city for college. I am not that tricky friend who bones bro’s-UNLESS your bro is: Idris Elba, that light eyed mixed dude on Greys Anatomy, Jake Gyllenfuck (yeah Maggie, don’t leave your bro around me), The Rock, Adrien Brody (don’t ask) or Justin Timberlake (even though my love is not AS strong for him, I would bone the shit out of that dude!). So today I email B and ask if she could feel when her bro is inside of me…
Have to say it’s some of my finest work…though it comes from a dark place because of what went down this morning at work. *le sigh*

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