Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Place Where I Work:Elegant Fumbling

I am used to fumbling in life when I am not my usual graceful self. Sometimes I am cool n’ aloof and most of the time blabby n’ sensitive. Then there are the moments I think I am smooth and checking out a dude…like this guard that works in my building. What drew me to him is his juxtaposition of having nerdy glasses, hot hair and having a prison build- a very muscular build. He has a nice smile and reminds me of Clark Kent- which may be why I want to bone him. Have always had a thing for the whole Clark Kent/Superman thing. I mean I always thought it was dumb that no one could see they were the SAME person yet I think when I put my glasses on people don’t know it’s still me either. This is real talk. I really think I look THAT much different. Sadly I don’t.

Anyways, I see this hot guard who I call…Clark Kent when I come in this AM. He was not in his uniform. CK had on my favorite-a t shirt and jeans (my favorite other than a well tailored suit). CK’s arms are like the size of my large-yet very womanly-thighs. He doesn’t look like a juicehead though and he is like 6’3 so it works for him. He smiles and says good morning…and I spill my coffee on my AWESOME 40’s styled dress while trying to look cool and say good morning back.
Damn those arms and that smile!

In other news, Mr. Burns is going through some type of settlement proceedings with his ex-wife. She seems to hate him and I think the feeling is mutual. Who am I fooling? I KNOW it is. She’s all like: I wish cock burn upon thee and he’s all like: eff you hag!
I haven’t heard them actually say those things to each other, but you know it’s been said-I mean he has a younger girlfriend who JUST had a baby. He and the ex had no children and look to be about the same age. She also seems plain bitchy. I’m also gonna throw in that he was probably bonin’ his now girlfriend while married to the bitchy ex. Dra-ma! So much drama that he has his lawyer reppin’ him because he doesn’t want to be in the same room as her!
You know what they are having a dispute over? House in the Hamptons AND a dog. Rich people problems.

Also, E, a mutual friend of B and I- the enigma who falls on his face drunk yet loves Jeopardy trivia- let me know he wants to celebrate his birthday in the city. He lives in PA. B has decided we will take him to Hawaiian Tropic for dinner and she will make him a t shirt that reads: Short on cock n' long in the tooth.
If he plays his cards right, one of us will be wearing that shirt the following morning.

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