Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Place Where I Work: Another Bad Romance

At this point, like some reality TV show where a bunch of schmucks eat grain and snakes for a week on some deserted island for a chance to win 1 million dollars, I have survived another week of work and haven't been told to not come back. Good for my pockets, but I don't know how my psyche is doing.
It's just that I am so tired sometimes I am unable to write- as you (three) have probably noticed on my blog. My manuscript is suffering- and mostly, when I am unable to write and share my senseless ramblings it makes me sad.
This is why i just don't know about this job. Like I don't hate it- it has its moments- but mostly it is challenging and the work day goes by quickly. Also, the people help. Well we know I am always 10 seconds from throwing Ruddy Kors into traffic, but mostly everyone is cool. Bearable. Not likely to be thrown from a window. The patients on the other hand...some of them chance having their jugular punctured with a plastic knife-because that is all that is handy in the kitchen and in the Cafe Metro downstairs.
While on the train one day I found myself making excuses for why I continue to go back. Kinda like someone in a bad relationship. I keep saying- well if they hire me and the money is legit, then I'll stay and it will get better...or I'll write my book and then bounce....or it'll be worth it in the end. I find a way to cope with bad behavior and un-orchestrated chaos because this is just the way it is and when I look at the clock it is almost time to go home. When I try to reason my way out of writing- by making it my fault and me just not putting in enough effort or needing to cut out another hour of sleep.
I sound just like person who is trying to explain why their significant other is an asshole and if you just gave them chance you would see that they are not ALWAYS like this it's just they are tired/drunk/out of work/lost their favorite thing/change of seasons/didn't have coffee/etc.

Just sounds like a truckload of bullshit really, BUT in these tough economic times and my need for fluffy coffee drinks, brunches and laptops- I will bite the bullet (if the money is right) and have these means justify my ends.

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