Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Place Where I Work: More Drama For Your Mama

There is one cashier that works in the mini café (compared to the massive one that is many floors down from me) that I go to on the regular- especially since my peeps haven’t made the mistake of ignoring my hungry ass. My name for her is Hermanda. The name isn’t significant as much as it rolls nicely off the tongue AND sounds like a name for a diva on a Telemundo soap opera. Hermanda is sweet…when she wants to be, but mostly she sizes up my outfits and enjoys when I wear my serious heels. She judges when I get a slice a cake, and she enjoys the merits of a lot of eye shadow. I like Hermanda a lot. Hermanda is okay with me but she just adores Taye Diggs- there is a dude who works on my floor that looks EXACTLY like Taye Diggs, height and ALL! This is why I call him Taye Diggs.
Taye Diggs has perused me a few times and given me a knowing smile- a smile that he knows he’d like to sexually harass me in the worst way. I have no interest in Taye because he seems a bit arrogant and is just about boob height to me when I wear my serious heels. Even in flats I am still taller than him. Not cool.
Hermanda really loves Taye Diggs. Like she gets up from around her post to help him select lunch, she stands close and looks lovingly at him as he (annoyingly) goes over each dish weighing the pros n’ cons. Will he have to do extra reps at the gym?
One time while I was waiting to pay because she had been standing with him for 20 minutes, I thought about this thing- Taye and Hermanda- and I realized I liked it. She is equally petite and has dreams (that I made up) of coming from behind the register and starting her own clothing line. Or becoming a hat maker. Or just being a stay-at-home mom for all the children she intends on having with Taye. When she finally decided to acknowledge my presence, I wasn’t pissed or huffy, I smiled a knowing smile and paid not minding that my usual 10mins it takes to get lunch took 25mins due to Hermanda wanting to fuck Taye Diggs by the soup crackers.
Today a love triangle began! There I was making some tea. Taye Diggs rolls in and languishes by the sandwiches that he never gets. Hermanda’s eyes are glowing with anticipation and just as she’s about to get up and join him…Baby Arm Me rolls in and heads straight towards Taye Diggs. She is all smiley and flirty and asking him why he’s been so distant lately. I am LOVING this- also loving how Taye Diggs is squirming further proving that he has boned Baby Arm Me…UNLESS she has been real aggressive and he’s been made to feel uncomfortable by that. Some men like to hunt their prey…
Must’ve felt the HEAT emanating from Hermanda’s eyes-like lasers-because I turned to look at her and she was seething. I was like: oh shit! I must admit I lingered a bit to see if there would be a smack-off but Taye wound up leaving with Baby Arm Me following and giving Hermanda a quick smile. Oh damn!
Will keep you posted as this saga continues.

My work ‘relations’ have been uneventful…or at least consistent. I see Clark Kent and am taken aback by his shaved head. Dear Lord! He is already like 6’3”…with a body like WHAT and now the shaved head! I almost walked into something while dry humping the air when I saw him. When I came back from Starbucks I run into CK again. This time he sees me and says ‘Hello’. I say ‘Hi’, I smile, he smiles and then I trip UP the stairs! I hear him chuckle. He has thrown my swagga ALL OFF!! AHHHHHHHHH!

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