Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Trimming the Fat

One can tell that many things annoy me about this thing called a job-especially a job that does not fulfill the soul but can afford one some filet o’ sole- HA!
Anyways, the people…the actual work…the train in the morning-all those things lead me to wanting to fill a water gun with either hot sauce or urine and start spraying it at people. BUT NOTHING fills me with more rage than when people are discussing their diets.
I get it. We live in a ‘health conscience’/look like these airbrushed models/celebs society. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel good I just don’t wanna hear about that shit. Especially when I am at work just trying to make it to the next hour without shanking someone. Oh but they gather and discuss all they want to eat but can’t. They judge me when I get a slice of cheesecake. They basically say: I WOULD eat that, but I like myself.
Fuck you. You wanna know why I say: fuck.you? I say it because 10 seconds after they have sufficiently judged and discussed how great they are because they eat cottage cheese n’ shit- they go and smoke a cigarette! REALLY?! It would be in poor taste for me to say: you know, when you’re tubed up in a hospital bed dying of cancer or something, you’ll be drop dead (HA!) thin then.
I won’t say that because I have watched peeps I love die from cancer and it is not something to be snarky about.
This one dude who works here, I’ll call him Mercutio- he’s Latino, gay and pretty judgmental. I truly think Mercutio plans his day around running into me coming from lunch or when I need a (light) frappacino just so he can look at me and shake his head…on his way out to SMOKE A CIGGARETTE. Eff you, Mercutio!
What I will say is that I don’t care to hear about peoples diets and there is a special place in hell for people who speak of dieting n’ loving themselves n’ healthy outlooks and then go smoke a pack of ciggs or do crack or something. Also note, that I am saying outrageously horrible things about you in my head when you judge me for my bacon wrapped Ho Ho’s.

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