Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Place Where I Work: You Can't Do It!

There are few things in life I cannot be outdone: my voracious hatred (which can turn to love depending on if you suck), my ability to turn ANY situation into something pervy and obscene, and my sexual harassment capabilities.
It is not something I am proud of but it is something I am good at- don’t even BEGIN to think you can out sexually harass me. Just cannot be done. Okay, I draw the line at straight grabbing shaft because that is too easy. You have to mentally breakdown your prey…or whomever you happen to be sexually harassing at the moment.
You have to make your prey feel like there is NO ONE else in the world you’d rather be harassing, you have to make them feel pretty.

There is this dude who consistently harass/flirts with me in the cafĂ©- we seem to take lunch at the same time most of the time. Am going to call him Pudding Man because his skin is like chocolate pudding…just lovely and looks smooth n’ delicious. He has eye fucked me so many times it’s a wonder I am not sore and preggers. I let him live because he is cute and that friggin’ skin! So today he is in his usual pocket-pool stance when he see’s me. He then walks almost a lil too close behind me and says: something smells good. I mention the food and he says he isn’t talking about the food. Nice. I like how consistent he is.
One of today’s specials was arroz con pollo, he says he wants white meat-which caused the lone female cook who has the complexion of a Hershey's Special Dark bar to say:hey what about me? We all laugh and then he looks at me and asks what I’m ordering, to kill two birds with one stone (harass and place food order) I say I am getting the arroz con pollo as well…but I like my meat dark. I looked him dead in his eyes as I said that. This caused an INTENSE game of pocket-pool for him and the tall handsome Jew who was slowly coming into my web-who had been laughing at all the meat comments- to blush. I wanted to let him know I like white meat too but just had to prove a point- plus sorry, dark meat is wayyy juicier!
Am sure after thoroughly soiling his Express Mens slacks, Pudding Man thought long n’ hard (HA!) about his next move. I hope this doesn’t involve him placing his cock on a platter surrounded by rice, beans and plantains. I am not hoping too hard.

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