Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Magic Dress

Sometimes I bring.it. Today, it has been BROUGHT and served on some fine China- and not that IKEA shit. The good stuff.
The dress I am wearing today is working more magic than usual on dude’s loins! It began on the train this morning when my ‘Brooklyn eyes’ though closed, felt that someone was looking at me too long and it was getting to that creepy/skin stealing level. I open my eyes and there is this dude just engrossed with my shit. I gave him a stern: look away, MY skin NOT yours!
He looks away, and I go back to my catnap.
Then I go to get lunch from the cafĂ© upstairs and as if brought on by magic there is this HOT dude up there. I say it was magical because there are NO hot dudes in this vicinity. He sees me and makes his way over to say ‘hello’. OH SNAP! I say ‘hi’ and make a mental note to check him out as he is walking away.
THEN I roll to Starbucks- you know the one where Dave Chappelle and Ja Rule (both look-a-likes) work at?! Well Dave Chappelle was EXTRA chatty and I was mocking him for wearing those colorful rubber bands that come in different shapes-forget the name. He explains that he has young nieces; I tell him that is NO EXCUSE. He says they keep him hip, I say WHATEVA. He then asks me out to go to the movies. I’m officially SHOCKED! A dude, ballsy enough to simply ask me out. A dude responding to my awesomeness and seeking its company??? FOR REAL?!
Instead of reciprocating his ‘innovative’ ways, I tell him I couldn’t risk going out with him for fear that people would think I was a pedophile…because of the rubber band bracelet things.

Even the sexy dress can’t disguise my natural asshole capabilities.

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