Friday, July 16, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Serious Cases of WTF?!

-My favorite part of my work day-well one of the many, which include: lunchtime, chats with Lauren about the old dude with the standing office …
This will fall under ‘best witty response I’ve come up with’ category.
Lauren: …he pretty much wants to live forever.
Me: Why?
Lauren: Well…he loves the opera, says he’ll miss that.
Me: You know what’s the cheapest way to see the opera with the BEST seats? As a ghost!

And Scene.

Throw in corporate AC in this asstastic heat and I’ve got a pretty good day going on. BUT my most favorite part of the day is when I go shredding (no paper trails, yo). It is so therapeutic…and then last night happened.
There I am, all refreshed from shredding and I see Mr. Darcy who has his back to me and is GOING ALL IN scratching his ass (hand in pants)!!! I stared 5 minutes too long with disbelief, I then shook myself and quickly left area to go dry heave for a bit.
In conclusion, I find Mr. Darcy to be smarmy.

-I’ve mentioned that I am trying whole assedly to be into this online dating thing. It’s a process because I forget to log on and I am a genuine ass. When I do log on I see messages from dudes I wouldn’t sit next to on the train- including one guy who asks if I have any friends he and his boys can run a train on. I kid you not. Before, I would’ve shut down my account and been like, but I am giving myself 3 months to go about this whole heartedly. So, I just blocked the guy, erased his message and went about my day.

-Mr. Burns totally has a girlfriend who just had a baby! Not a toddler, a baby- as in in MARCH! He is also doing a triathlon this weekend. HOW OLD is this dude? Should I feel a certain way? Like should I be all motivated n’ crap? Motivated to dust off my bike at least…or get me a pair of them ‘Fit Flops’?

-In no way am I defending Mel Gibson, but like Chris Rock says: I understand. Mel is INSANE, hilarious…wrong and INSANE. I understand him though because I live amongst Russian women and they can be pieces of work. Oh don’t go saying I am being a perpetrator of stereotypes, we all know I hate everyone equally until they prove themselves to be decent. Hitting women is wrong, verbal abuse is wrong…and so his career seems to be a dead issue. I would like to hire Mel to make phone calls for me to people who deserved to be yelled at and demeaned. Not like I couldn’t do that myself, but he just has SUCH a way with his delivery…and he’ll have nothing to do. So, why not??

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