Thursday, July 1, 2010

Representing With Words


I spent about 4-5 years in my 20’s contemplating a tattoo- ME, a person who didn’t get her ears re-pierced till she was about 26, a person known to hit at doctors when they come at her with needles, and a person who thinks tatts are dumb.
This is just another layer of my complexity. Or it was me being in my twenties, feeling restless and reckless and not thinking about how one of my many assets is my beautiful skin…and how at around 55 or 60 that tatt isn’t going to be too cute.
I still contemplated though. For years. At about the third year I decided on a location: the back of my neck. Guess I wanted it to be as far away from a ‘tramp stamp’ that I could possibly get. By year four I decided the tatt would be the symbol for Gemini- I know REAL CREATIVE. I went to various tattoo spots, and priced, and looked through portfolio’s…then before I knew it, I was 29 and was like- that shit is DUMB.
The End.

I was reminded about my almost tattoo when I saw this girl with the phrase “real lies will be seen with real eyes” tattooed on her right shoulder blade and I thought: that should be a quote in her ‘about me’ section on FaceBook. This inspired me…
Because I am SUCH a giver, have decided to break it all down- what should be a tattoo, a facebook quote, said in conversation or kept the fuck to yourself! Just a little guidance as to how to represent yourself with words permanently tattooed on your body…

::Anything to do with fucking- whether you’re trying to get, just got, like it or love it, you really need to keep that shit to yourself or share it in conversation.

Me: weather is awesome today.
Jake Gyllenhaal: great for fucking.
Me: let’s do it!

Getting a tattoo involving anything about getting fucked-even in JAPANESE/CHINESE lettering- is fucked up! Maybe I should add FaceBook on the list of: okay, because really, why else are you-me on there all day…we’re trying to get fucked!
I kid.

::Deep phrases, profound words and the like-
Like I said before, do that shit on your FaceBook page…or even in conversation, but getting some shit like: Ain’t To Proud To Beg tatted on your stomach when you’re 23 isn’t going to ring true when you’re 33 and are all classy n' shit (hopefully).

::You have VD/STD from getting fucked and what not- This goes under keeping that shit to yourself unless you have to tell someone. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone bold enough to tatt: Crab Lice Rocks!
It can also work for a vengeful ass who wants to get at the person who gave them The Clap to post on Craigslist or FaceBook...just never on the body. There you'll be at 35 angry that Javier gave you The Clap so you so tatt: Javier=Clap Giver on your thigh. Then at 45 you've totally moved on and forgiven Javier...and there's that pesky tatt. *sigh*

::Your name- I never ever, ever (ever, ever) understood this type of tattoo word representation- like in those few moments you actually FORGET your name you can look in mirror above your tittie and see it there …and sigh with relief. Only time this is an acceptable tatt (to me) is if you have that short term memory thing like the dude in Memento.

::Things like: Bitch, Asshole, TeaBagger, etc.- these things are acceptable to me simply because you’re warning we few simple folk who like to avoid asshats. The fact that you have BITCH tatted on your neck in a lovely script, let’s me know a lot of things…and one of them is: do not ask this BITCH for directions. Or clench butt cheeks and slowly back away- you’ve obviously won this round.
People who tattoo anything on their face have also won the fight with me, they are obviously crazed or in a serious gang…and I am wayyyy too pretty and inexperienced in martial arts and gun shooting.

So, that's me helping you.

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