Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Story of We: An Unfinished We Holiday or Ep 9



*I don't know where the rest of this episode is, but it's a great start. I should finish it one day. Oh man, goth hymns??!! Where do I come up with this shit??*

The Story of We
Episode 9: Holiday We 2008- Livin' Fast n' Ballin'!
Screenplay by Honey T
12-17-08




Setting: In NYC of course. The story takes place in a Starbucks, chic hotel suite, an airport gate area, the island of Puerto Rico and a resort on the island of Puerto Rico. The story and characters tend to move all around the city…its boroughs and islands. The year is 2008 and the world is as it is. Reality is real.



Cast:

Taylor Greene
Britain Sawyer
Josephina Fergus
Lorna Long
Acorn Dillon

Featuring:
J.E'Ofinnigan Logan
Robert Downey Jr. as himself
Phillip Seymour Hoffman as himself
Jake Gyllenhaal as himself
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent Frost
Mickey Rourke as Uncle Mickey
Benicio Del Toro as Uncle Manny
Keanu Reeves as Fenzdorth
Beyonce's Metallic Glove as itself
WuTang Clan as themselves
George Clooney as himself
Brad Pitt as himself
Halle Berry as Fairy Godmama
Ryan Seacrest as himself
Paula Abdul as herself
Ben Stiller as himself
Ice-T as himself
And
Joe Pesci as Johnny K.



Scene 1: We are in the Starbucks. It is decorated holiday festive with garland around the coffee n' tumbler shelves, a menorah by the cash registers and Kwanzaa candles on the treats showcase. Britain is wearing a Santa hat while standing behind a register; she doesn't look cheerful though. J.E'Ofinnigan is helping Taylor (who is also wearing a Santa hat) stock CD's and the gift shelves. Josephina (who is not wearing a Santa, but is wearing a blinged out medallion of Santa's face that is hanging from a platinum chain) is making drinks for a few customers. There is excitement in the air, except around Britain; there is just gloom n' doom around her. "All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey is playing low in the background.



Britain:
This was our song… (sigh's and opens an almond biscotti)


Taylor:
Oh yeah! I remember he had them dancers-that shit was tight. Sorry Brit.


Britain:
Fuckin' warlock's!


J'E'Ofinnigan:
What am I missing?


Josephina:
A whole lot, muthafucka. (hands a customer a hot cocoa)


Taylor:
We're talking about RDJ. Britain still hasn't heard from him…and he's all over Access Hollywood chuckling with Guy Ritchie on the set of his new movie. (turns to look at Britain) At least he's not ho'in around.


Britain:
He could be. What do I know?


Josephina:
That mutha fucka loves you. He'll come around. (just then Jake Gyllenhaal come in carrying a gift bag, he smiles when he sees Taylor)


Taylor:
Oh fuck. (J.E'Ofinnigan goes to stand in front of her)


Jake Gyllenhaal:
Move twat. (he and J.E'Ofinnigan glare at each other)


Britain:
The sad thing is when they do fight and that turns into Jake Gyllenhaal penetrating J.E's firm ass…it'll be the most action I've seen in a while. (starts to open another biscotti)


Josephina:
(chuckles) Them homo's are gonna makeout before they even get to scrappin'. (everyone glances at Josephina a lil bit)


Taylor:
You okay there Josie?


Josephina:
Bitch, I'm good.


Taylor:
Woo-okay. (turns back to Jake and J.E) You two. Stop it, now! It's the holidays.


Jake Gyllenhaal:
You're right my lil golden colored dreidel. (holds up the gift bag) This is for you.


J.E'Ofinnigan:
You'll never make her Jewish! I got her a Kwanzaa gift (he looks at Taylor) and it just so happens to be my heart and soul (pounds his chest to emphasize)


Taylor:
Fuck that shit. I don't even know what Kwanzaa is!(opens the gift bag excitedly, when she pulls out a black satin cloak her smile drops. Jake is smiling proudly and J.E. is snickering) What the fuck?!


Britain:
O M G! Taylor will be the first black female vampire I know!


Jake Gyllenhaal:
You don't like it?


Just then Uncle Manny storms in. He and Josephina hug and give each other pounds. He nods towards Britain, but is mainly focused on Jake, J.E. and Taylor.


J.E'Ofinnigan:
This guy again. Don't you have an Edward James Almos casting to get to-


Uncle Manny:
(almost goes to punch J.E., but stops himself, looks at Taylor)
Before I harm these two, tell me, do you enjoy the company of Goths?


Taylor:
Fuck NO!


Uncle Manny:
That's what I thought-


Josephina:
Who's a Goth Uncle Manny? That bitch-master J.E. says he's a vampire! (chuckles)


J.E'Ofinnigan:
(smiles showing his fangs, Jake Gyllenhaal hisses, Uncle Manny clenches his fist)
I do enjoy blood letting and sleeping in a coffin-


Taylor:
You are not a fucking vampire! You're…a …GOTH?!


Jake Gyllenhaal:
I was one too. Not any more, that shit is so played.


Taylor:
You two were Goths…together?! (looks from Jake to J.E.)


J.E'Ofinnigan:
(rolls his eyes) Yeah, yeah. Jakey here was leader of this crew called Satan's Scat-


Jake Gyllenhaal:
(growls) We were more than a mere crew. Not your average Goth thugs- (Josephina, Uncle Manny, Taylor and even Britain start laughing hysterically)


Josephina:
Always thought of ya as a homo-bitch since that cowboy movie, but now that I know you were a Goth thug…you're okay with me J.G.. Ch-yeah! (goes to give Jake Gyllenhaal a pound, he looks at her strangely and then gives her a pound)


Britain:
I should've known. Warlock's, exist. FBI sorcery department's, exist. (shake's head with laughter) And Goth thugs exist….


Jake Gyllenhaal:
(looks pointedly at Britain) We were more than just thugs, we sang hymns too-(Taylor clutches her stomach she is laughing so hard, Josephina leans on a counter to support herself as she laughs, Uncle Manny laughs warily and Britain chuckles heartily)


Taylor:
(is breathless from laughing so hard) What I wanna know is, who did you Goth thugs beat up? Who's scared of a Goth thug? (straightens up as Jake Gyllenhaal wipes a tear off her cheekbone with his thumb then licks his finger sensuously)


Uncle Manny:
What a fuckin' freak!


J.E'Ofinnigan:
We mostly beat up preps. Anyone who wears penny loafers SHOULD be punched in the face.


Uncle Manny:
I have to agree with this piece of shit.


Britain:
I think we all do, but what I need to understand are the hymns and the hatred.


Jake Gyllenhaal:
(looks at Britain) The hatred?


Britain:
Damn those eyes! (shivers) The hatred between you and this guy. (points at J.E'Ofinnigan)


Jake Gyllenhaal:
J.E. here grew restless with my leadership and started his own crew-


Josephina:
(throws a cup at J.E'Ofinnigan) Punk ass crew breaker!


J.E'Ofinnigan:
Ouch! I had to go off on my own, Jakey here is totally egomanical. I thought so and so did the other members of Sons of Twilight-


Britain:
Did you guys do hymns too?


J.E'Ofinnigan:
No because we weren't gay!


Jake Gyllenhaal:
I will pull your spleen out, BOY! (he and J.E. angrily squint at each other) Hymns are why you guys went DOWN. Satan's Scat were better fighters and better singers!


Taylor:
I have no words for all this.


Britain:
I wanna hear you guys sing. Come on…do it for old times.


Josephina:
Hate to admit it, but I kinda wanna hear what hell sounds like.


Johnny K:
(comes into the Starbucks and smiles when he sees Josephina)
This is my lucky day!


Josephina:
Back the fuck up, nurse!


Johnny K:
Woah, woah. I'm just here for some cocoa and a pumpkin loaf.


Britain:
Well you're gonna have to wait on that, we're about to be schooled on the devils rhythms.


J.E'Ofinnigan:
I have an old CD in my bag…will put it on. (runs to the back area)


Taylor:
Music CD, you don't sing live?


Jake Gyllenhaal:
We do. We just always carried boom boxes-black of course- so we were able to have our background music going while we sang.


J.E'Ofinnigan:
(runs from the back area) Wait for it- (he has one finger in the air, suddenly a electro German beat begins playing, J.E. does a tough shimmy)


Jake Gyllenhaal:
(does a more menacingly seductive shimmy and stand closer to Taylor, who backs away)
You ready…brother? (looks at J.E., who nods)


J.E'Ofinnigan & Jake Gyllenhaal:
(they sing together in a monotone to the electro German beat)
Dark night, twlight, black flight we come to take you . Take you, take us by dusk our souls will rise. Magic light, moon light, we glow and are still like sarcophagi. We are the watchmen of your souls- (as they sing their hymn, Britain stares openmouthed, Taylor is laughing uncontrollably and Uncle Manny looks as if he's about to pass out) birds of the night like a bat- Satan's Scat! (the guys shout Satan's Scat about fifteen more times)


Uncle Manny:
(slightly incoherent) Damn Goths…I don't feel…fuckin' stop…make. Them. Stop. (falls to the ground)


Johnny K:
Hey Hells Angels! Shut the fuck up! You are gonna have this man back in the hospital! (cradles Uncle Manny's head in his hands, Josephina kneels beside him, Johnny K smiles) Mmmm, you smell like biscuits and Alize….


Josephina:
You're lucky you're holding my Uncle or I would straight punch you in the face, bitch! Somebody call nine-one- one!


Britain:
(shakes out of it) On it! (dials on her iPhone)


Taylor:
What I still don't get is why would these Goth tools want me?


Britain:
(clicks her iPhone to hang up) Fuck that! Why is my soul mate a fuckin' Goth who shaved two of his teeth into fangs?! (shakes her head at J.E. who is smiling-showing fang)


Jake Gyllenhaal:
(looks longingly at Taylor) It should be no surprise why a woman such as yourself would be delicious to a Goth-especially a Goth leader like myself. Your skin is the color of a sunset and we Goth's have great womb sensory…yours is a great one to bring forth a bundle-


Taylor:
Pause! (holds up a hand to emphasize, is visibly shaking) I'm going to kill something if he continues-


Johnny K:
Hope that ambulance comes quick Uncle Manny is unconscious!



While shit is real in the front of Starbucks, in the back are-specifically Uncle Mickey's office- he and Lorna are discussing their relationship.


Lorna:
Did I just hear a Goth hymn?


Uncle Mickey:
Don't try to change the subject, Sweet Cheeks. Are you fuckin' anyone else?


Lorna:
What's it to you? (sips a frappacino)


Uncle Mickey:
What's it to me?! I have given you a total of eighteen minutes of the most intense cock stroking I have ever given and you are still fucking someone else?! That's insane.


Lorna:
This discussion is insane.

Uncle Mickey:
I am putting my balls on the line for you. Shaving time off my tanning and training at Equinox, so that I can be there for you when I am not doing other things.


Lorna:
What do you want from me? Blood?


Uncle Mickey:
(thinks a bit) Not yet. I want you not fucking anyone else. Just me. At least 4 days a week until we've had enough.


Lorna:
I can make no promises. (Uncle Mickey growls) Growl all you want, but a Serbian poet once told me that kettle on an open flame cooks better than one on a stove.

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