Friday, January 29, 2010

Dermis Levels

About 1 to 5 times a day I am verbally or mentally saying that some dude is a ‘skin stealer’. I use the term so frequently its like second nature- don’t get me wrong though, there are crazy people…and then there are Skin.Stealers.

**This Just In**
Though this entry is not totally work related I must further prove why I am so awesome and read people like the friggin’ Mentalist (CBS show)!
So a few blogs ago I mentioned this dude whistling a John Mayer song and me feeling douche-y for even recognizing the tune-well come to find out that when this guy isn’t pressing his Dockers and moving large dollar amounts…he plays the guitar!!! He carries his guitar in a case that is covered with band stickers, like: NIN and PHISH
Dude is a toolbucket and that’s all she wrote!
**Roger, that**

Okay, now where was I?
Yes, explaining the many levels to the dudes-yes generally I feel men will be more apt to steal/take/covet skin than women. We tend to hurt ourselves, boil animals or boil ourselves like animals to prove a point.
Guys/dudes steal skin because of their hunter's nature and the need to do shit with their hands. Guys with a clever of mix of insanity, intelligence,aggression, outcast-edness, and tech/tool love will steal your skin.
Unlike child predators/molesters/rapists of children and animals, these stealers of skin don’t have an easily identifiable look. You just have to go with your gut on this one and notice the signs-that’s a whole other blog though, this one is just to explain when it goes from you being chained to a radiator with bits of your skin being removed to a dude who has killed you and widdles your bones to make doll pirates and uses your skin for capes and doll pirate boots.

Level 1: Skin Stealer
This guy doesn’t really want to hurt you. He may love you even, but you don’t want anything to do with him. So, one weekend- because you choose to ignore the ‘weirdo vibe’ you get from the dude-he invites you over for some Tang and board games. Once you come to, you find yourself attached via handcuff to a radiator. You feel freshly exfoliated. This is only the beginning though. Because this guy isn’t really adept in torture or murder you can probably get away…or he’ll let you go when you explain how insane this is…or you negotiate going to see one movie with him.

Level 2: Skin/Flesh Coat Maker
B came up with his one. This dude just reeks of weird vibes and perversion. He is usually standoffish, aggressive and wanting to talk to you-all at once! He is the hunter and you are his prey…or you are just not into him. In any case, it (he has decided) has been decided that you are meant to be together forever, you’re just too dumb to realize this…or maybe you just looked at him too long on the train. In any case, you must die and he must sew patches of your skin together…and maybe others (depending on type of coat) to make a flesh/skin coat. These types of guys usually prefer trench coats.

Level 3: Bone Filer
The Bone Filer has to be the most clever and diabolical of them all! This dude is usually insanely smart. For whatever reason, he has set his sights on you and now you must die. This guy can amazingly remove your skin-tearing very little of it- and then he takes your skin sac which still has your shape…and he props it, dresses it, talks to it, etc. He’ll make your empty skin self watch as he files down your bones. Its pretty impressive, but not so much cuz you’re dead.

I’d say stay away or move quickly away from these types. Quickly. You know some. You know that feeling you can’t put your finger on-these are the explanations.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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