Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Where It Comes From

I bet at some point in time you’ve wondered how I’ve come to have the sense of humor I have.
Biting. Hateful. Perverted. Funny at times-but mostly to me.
Life made this way. LIFE. Not saying mine has been all backshot’s and bullets- it’s just that we’ve all been through some shit.
My strength comes from the shit though, my humor is a product of being picked on as a kid AND a gift of wit.
Also, it keeps me slightly sane and less likely to be total recluse…I mean you have to laugh at things to keep from stabbing.
Two things happened today that are prime examples of why I do how I do:

1) Many months ago I applied for a flight attendant position with Jet Blue. I figured I like travelling and I hate the confines of offices.
I LOVE writing and would be able to do so-plus think of all the awesome blogs I could write about my travels n’ such. I got through 2 rounds of prerequisite stuff, and then much later I get an email that seems like I am going in for an interview, interview. Sure I have a gig now, but opportunities are opportunities. Before I got my hopes way up though, I get another email saying something like this: hey, remember that time we said come in for an interview…therefore getting your hopes up and having you contemplate a unique uniform look-yeah, that was a mistake. Sorry. Buh-bye.
I read the email twice and shrugged and was like, go figure.

2) Then (the same day!), there I am minding my own business, just trying to do a lil shoe n’ Sephora shopping at lunch when this dude is about to pass me. Being a Native New Yawker-and also from BROOKLYN, I can feel him looking. So, I give him a look to say: I see you, son and to see if he’s crazed.
Dude is smirking and says: you would be prettier if you weren’t wearing glasses.
I say: fuck you.
It was succinct and efficiently shut.him.down.
This guy was wrong on so many fronts, but the most important were: my glasses make me look SEXIER-they bring out my already exceptional cheekbones and make me look wikked smaht, peeps stopped looking ugly in glasses since they stopped making them the size of ones face-even though hipsters seem to love this look, and so on... I could go on really, but what’s the point. In the end, people should learn that if I don’t know you-I’m simply passing you by on the street- and even if I do, I truly don’t give a fuck about what you think about my look. I think I look fantastic-sometimes.
As an often offensive person this really peeves me (when random peeps just comment on you) because I never set out to just say shit to people. Especially mean shit. I don’t wanna ruin your day-unless you had it coming.

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