Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My Long Weekend by Me

I went into this first long weekend of 2010 with no set plans. I knew I wanted to sleep, eat, drink (libations) and shake my ass-you know keep it simple. Since the oh-10 is about sayin’ n’ doin’, I feel rather accomplished right now because I succeeded in all I set out to do. May have also said (to Naomi) that the oh-10 was about ‘deep dickin’, but I blame alcohol for that one….

Friday was about the slow wind up because I am entering my ‘golden years’…or realm of spinsterdom, I need to work my up into my party-hard frenzy. I met my friend Elisa for some dessert as dinner action at the Chocolate Room in Carroll Gardens. Since the weather was not ‘witches tit cold’, I decided to walk up Atlantic Avenue and got into some amazing late night Walgreens action. This dude tried to ‘holla’ as I looked for a good nail topcoat, but I was focused, man. Plus he was disrupting my iPod listening- ‘Love, Sex & Magic’ was on, had to get my aisle dancing on.
As I made my way through the Atlantic Avenue train station I run into Kris, who I NEVER RUN INTO, but hung with he and his lady on New Years, so I guess its how 2010 is going to be. He and his boy were feeling good off the ‘quila and were on their way to Sycamore for more dranks. Kris grabbed my hand and was like: you’re going.
So, I went. Stayed for one drink and had a nice time. There were chats about haggis and ‘skin stealers’.
Good times, indeed.

Saturday was about sleeping in and possibly going out, but I wasn’t sure. When I finally got out of bed around 2:30PM-HELL YEAH- I was definitely in the mood to get my schwerve on. After careful consideration…and mostly because I like being able to wear a t-shirt and jeans out, decided to go to White Slab Palace. The Darkness and Milkmoney throw a great, non-sceney party filled with people I enjoy…so again, HELLS YEAH! Marci and I pre-gamed at her crib with homemade vodka’s- Elisa made us flavored vodka for Christmas!!! She matched the flavor with our personalities and tastes. Marci’s was apple cinnamon, and mine was ginger. De-friggin’-licious.
I don’t know why we felt the need to pre-game because we are both lightweights when it comes to the drink. Needless to say I was a lil tipsy leaving her apartment and may have been singing ‘I wanna make love in this club’ during our journey to White Slab.
Unbeknownst to me, Victoria hit me up on Facebook to see if I was going to be at the Slab-awwww the cosmic love. Not only did I show up, but we all rolled in around the same time. Sweet!
Crew was assembled, drinks were got and the music was popping. Arden AKA A1 Special Sauce rolled through and told us about how when he rolled to the restroom this chick tried to follow him in. The chick was Heather, who becomes an essential character in the night’s follies. He was definitely put off by that, but mostly because Heather appeared to be a rather butch lesbian. This caused me to point out that Arden’s long (dread) locks and feminine stride could be his downfall. I know, I am such a supportive friend.
Because karma is a bitch indeed, there I am dancing when Heather introduces herself. She tells me her name, that I’m hot and that we’re gonna dance. Since I was already dancing I figured-why not?! Also, Heather was keeping a safe, comfortable distance-which wasn’t happening most of the night- at one point I was playing around reggae dancing ass-in-the-air sorta thing when this lil Asian dude rolled all up in my ass area. I jumped and then fell on a couch laughing. Then this pretty random dude rolls up and tells me that I have a nice tummy-he also drops some life knowledge…but I forget what he said.
Anywho, Heather and I were dancing-when suddenly she drops it low to the ground, grabs MY ankles and then slaps her hips…or ass, and rolls her body back up so that we are eye level. I back up and am like:WOAH! Marci runs laughing hysterically to the other side of the dance area. Arden is laughing and ignoring my pleading ‘please play boo-pretend with me’ look. Heather sees me shanking A1 with my eyes and asks if I know him. I say I do, and pull him over. A1 makes sure we’ve all been properly introduced when Heather throws out this clever suggestion: why don’t we all do a threesome?
Usually A1 and I can come up with a witty response to ANYTHING. This time we were both speechless. Suddenly I was holding my arm up with no A1 underneath it because he joined Marci in the laughing at my demise.
Finally, after seeing that my dancing turned into me standing there just moving my hands ‘jazz hand’ style, Heather says,” I can see you’re not into this…I think you’re pretty and I thought you were gay.” I say, “Thanks and no I like dudes.” She lingers though and A1 musters some type of sympathy and pulls me away from Heather and into a corner where I whimper ‘why can’t I wear a t-shirt n’ jeans without looking like a lesbian!!!! ‘ I just wanna be comfy. A1 says I don’t look like a lesbian and that Heather was just saving face. He then offers to grab my ankles for me, but then declines when I said that really would make me feel better. *sigh*
When I confront Marci, she says that she’s a lil thing and I looked like I could take Heather….because I’m so butch.
Bleah. My butch-ness was proven when Queen Latifah’s ‘U.N.I.T.Y’ came on and I went a lil too ‘aggressive’ with it. A1 is like: you may wanna simmer that down…
Anywho the night was filled with awesome music-including Birdman and good times.

Sunday involved more sleeping and some deep reflection on my look. I mean I think I look feminine and like I like dudes, but thanks to chicks making out on cue at clubs, and ‘experimentation’ being the in thing-one never knows.
Elisa and I knew we were meeting DoubleDeuce at her local watering hole because it had to be a chiller night. There also needed to be food involved and since I’ve been dying to try my friend’s hubby’s restaurant/bar-Sidecar-we did so. Amy AKA Juicebox (her Jersey Shore name) met up with DoubleDeuce and I for dinner. We dined! DINED! I had a raw oyster for the first time in my life! Drank lots of rum. Ate pate`and mussels avec frites. It was all delish. They hooked us up with dessert…though I had dessert idea’s of my own which mostly involved me and our South African trapeze artist waiter. Totally forgot his name. He was very easy on the eyes AND I offered to stay at his crib in South Africa during World Cup. He was basically like ‘nah’ because he wasn’t going to be there…and so began my sexual harassment of him. All I kept thinking was ‘trapeze artist’ and I am at a sexual low point. He wasn’t totally against me, but he wasn’t all for me either.
Anyways, I drank more rum and got over it.
Oh, and the Golden Globes were on. I missed them, but caught the highlites… like Monique’s hairy legs and win. Mariah’s globes- my friend Mel texts me and says she wants me in that dress for her wedding. Done and done. Robert Downey Jr.’s speech-I *heart* RDJ. Avatar fuckin’ winning. THE HANGOVER WINNING-now that was a surprise. Halle Berry just being perfection. Like if I were going to whatever award show and they were like Halle is gonna be there too. I would just roll in jeans and flats because no matter WHAT you wear, you will not out sexy, out beauty, out ANYTHING Halle Berry. This was proven that night.

Monday was another day of rest and reflection. I spent a lot of it crying-just the whole Haiti situation. Its hard to even discuss in public because I get teary eyed…so like a true thug I do my crying in private.
Also caught Oprah (which kept the tears flowing) where she had families who had one of their loved ones killed by someone texting while driving! How fuckin’ senseless and idiotic! I stopped dating a guy because he felt he could efficiently text and drive. I felt he was dumb and NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT TO HAVE TO TEXT EVEN WHILE DRIVING.

Well, that was my weekend.

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