Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Conversations with Ice: New Acquaintances pt deux

When we last left off, Ice T and Coco were having a holiday gathering at their cabin near Mount Airy Lodge. Since Ice is all about the holiday cheer n' shit he invited Kanye West with the hopes of having us become fast friends. Of course this didn't happen and I grow to hate Kanye more.
We arrive at the cabin, that has been decorated with various animal skins and Christmas lights. Wham's "Last Christmas" is playing. Coco has on a on a Mrs. Claus bikini and Ice is wearing santa pants with black Timbaland boots, and a 'wifebeater'. Coco is holding a tray with egg nog martini's. There are trays of food out: pigs in a blanket, shrimp cocktail, and mozzarella sticks.

Ice T: Hey! Look who made it (says to me) alive! (gives Kanye a pound and me a hug)

Kanye: Yeah, yeah. This place looks spectacular-

Coco: Egg nog martini? (Kanye and I take one) What's with the face, Sweet T?

Kanye: Oh she just mad I ain't trying to give her the Louis Vuitton dong-

Me: That is not why I'm mad, Kan-ye!!

Ice T: Woah woah. It's the time for good tidings and cheer, no hate T.

Coco: Come on. Grab an hor d'ouerve and let's watch the snow fall. (looks at me in my turtleneck and jeggings) Would you like to change into something more comfortable? I have a few candy colored chinchilla bikini's in the back...

Me: Thanks, but no thanks, Coco...Kanye may be interested though-

Kanye: Don't think that hide-can hide all I'm working with-

Ice T:
Only been here five minutes and your dick has been brought up twice. (shakes head) I need some more Henny...

Coco: Maybe we should sing Christmas songs?? (claps with glee)

Me: Kanye can't help but talk about what he likes....dick.

Kanye: Don't worry, a few more of these (holds up his martini) and you can have a taste of what YOU like....

Ice T: You two, Coco wants to sing Christmas songs and that shit is cheesy but it's better than listening you two go back n' forth like this is some sitcom and the audience is just waiting for y'all to kiss...

Me: That was quite nice and descriptive, Ice.

Ice T: Been taking this screenplay writing class down at the Y-

Coco: (clears her throat) Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way...(we are all staring at her for different reasons, mostly because she is jumping up n' down in a Mrs. Claus bikini...in thigh high black boots that have 6 inch heels)

Ice T: Sweety, let's go find that thing in the back...

Coco: What thing-oh yeah...the...song book...be right back. Don't kill each other. (the both run out holding hands)

Kanye: They are boning.

Me: No shit, Sherlock. (go to turn up the radio, Kanye is suddenly standing close behind me) Back up!

Kanye: Oh come on. Let's play nice. (holds out a lil silver dog) Let's play monopoly...you can be the bitch-I mean, the dog.

Me: (snatch the dog) I'm the car. I'm always the car, asshole!

To Be Continued....

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