Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Still Snowwwwwwwwed In!

Mind slowly getting lost.
Started looking for old eps of 'Angel' and the first season of 'True Blood' but finally settled on watching The Bourne Supremecy and a Top Model marathon.
My brief moment outside was uninspiring and uneventful since NO TRAINS ARE RUNNING (near me) and the closest train running isn't really that close at all.
No buses. No cabs...unless you jump on top of one as it slowly moves down the middle of the road you're walking down because the sidewalks are piled high with snow...but if you throw your body upon a cab and maybe put your hand through the windshield and start choking the cab driver, you JUST MIGHT have yourself a cab ride.
Outdoors, it really is like one of them zombie/end of the world movies with the silent disarray. Thankfully zombies don't do elements so I don't have to add that to the list of things that are fucked up about New York City not being able to handle some SNOW! I went to college in Buffalo where snow and cold are common like the piss smell and a crazy person sitting next to you on the train here (NYC). Isn't snow just water molecules or something? It's not like it's liquid plutonium-why is it stopping my trains from running TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The closest Starbucks to me has a menu in RUSSIAN!!!!!!....if drinks involve some sort of chocolate-vodka concoction, then I'm there!
...as much as I am enjoying my insane ramblings on snow, I have to put my bitch card away n' quit whining about the snow and no trains because there were people stuck on some trains for hours. There are people probably stuck on planes now. I told my brother that if I was stuck on a train for 8 hours-someone.would.die!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a brief summary of what would happen if I were stuck on a train for 8 hours:

-hour 1: pissed.
-hour 2: pissed and cold.
-hour 3: pissed, cold and probably would have to pee.
-hour 4: an abundance of hatred for all mankind glows like a coal within my chest, am really fuckin' cold, have to really pee, I am HUNGRY, the battery has run out on iPod and now someone has spoken to me.
-hour 5: through gritted teeth I begin cursing in various languages and have found a train car with just 5 other people who I tell to: NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME FUCKERS!, am a little warmer from movement, am numb from hunger and having to pee.
-hour 6: someone mistakes my faraway stare because I am imagining myself driving a golf cart in Hawaii while drinking a mai tai and Prince is sitting in my passenger side-anyways they ask me about my life. The next thing I know I am covered in blood spatter and have ripped their arm from their body and proceed to beat them with it.
-hour 7: I begin running through the train waving the still bleeding arm in my hand and screaming: FML! SMH! LOL! LMFAO! (repeatedly)
-hour 8: we finally get released from the train and I am suddenly just in Ugg boots, jeggings and a ripped t-shirt waving someones bloodied arm at the newscaster. I go on a 20 minute rant about the many ways people can kiss my crazy ass and eat a bowl of dicks.

So, yeah. That is what would happen if I was stuck on a train for 8 hours. Needless to say I would much rather be stuck at home, but DAMMIT THE TRAINS NEED TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow, I am on a mission. By hook or by crook I will make into the city...to work...to Starbucks...to elbow tourists...*sigh*

No comments:

Post a Comment