Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Place Where I Work: How I Do.

Friday night after watching Iron Man 2, I photobombed former NYC mayor Ed Koch. That moment pretty much sums up why even when I wanna pull the covers over my head and say: ENOUGH! - I can’t because the world needs my brand of insanity.
The rest of the weekend was spent at a friends sisters Connecticut compound eating grilled steak poolside.
That my friends, is just how I do. I don’t perpetuate this great dramedy I call life- I just live it!
It almost turned into an action movie because of this chick that works here. I spent most of Friday and yesterday contemplating how to kick her ass without losing my professional standing. Usually with temp gigs I could really give a fuck, but this- Annoying Ass, her name (not clever, but to the point) has caused me to give a fuck. So much so, I want to kick her repeatedly in the spine.
Annoying Ass just started as an assistant in HR, though her title is not that- it’s some long drawn out shit that just means she’s an assistant.
Generally, I find HR people to be fairly killable. There’s that certain Stepford Wife-ness they call ‘people skills’. I don’t trust them…and even though at one point I thought about working in HR because I like connecting people and utilizing their best qualities…all the while making fun of their non-worthwhile ones.
Friday started with annoying ass drumming her acrylic nails on my desk. One of my many pet peeves is women who drum their nails on hard surfaces. I know its annoying, they know its annoying- so fuckin’ quit it! I let her stand there and do it, refusing to respond to her till she stopped. Now she doesn’t even touch my desk. - SEE, bitches CAN learn.
Ever since Annoying Ass found that we can’t be ‘friends’ by her being a doucherag, she has decided to be a better person…and now today, Tuesday, I don’t feel she should be asphyxiated by a crab lice-d pillow in her sleep.

McFinnigan was under my desk yesterday. He enjoyed it more than I did. I just wanted him gone so I could go back to non-politically correct email threads. Today he comes by.
No hello, just says: Jennifer Hudson.
I say: You think I look like her? DreamGirls or Weight Watchers?
He chuckles and says: Just in the face.
He then explains how peeps used to say he looked like Axel Rose. Let me tell you about two people who DON’T look alike. Axel Rose and Mcfinnigan!
Even I can admit that sometimes I look like J Hud, but McFinnigan looks more like that lil dude on the Lucky Charms box than Axel Rose.
Note, if he looked like Slash, I wouldn’t mind him being under my desk!

Wow, just had a pleasant convo with Annoying Ass. I really need to start teaching courses on how not being an asshat will win you friends!

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