Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Story of We: Episode 3



Episode3: We Can’t Stop, We Won’t Stop
Screenplay by Honey T
10/25/07




Setting: In NYC, of course, the story takes place at The Gap, in an apartment, in a Starbucks, at a bowling alley, on a music video set, at St. Vincents Hospital, at the Nyurican Cafe, and at Hooters. The story and characters tend to move all around the city…its boroughs and islands. The year is 2007 and the world is as it is. Reality is real.

Starring:
Taylor Greene- 20’s, witty and aloof
Britain Sawyer- 20’s, clever, cute and sturdy
Josephina Fergus- 20’s, cute, sweet and rage-filled
Lorna Long- 20’s, drunkard, respectable, leads a semi-charmed life
Marilyn Herringbone- 20’s, hater, mom
Kurt Sandleback- 20’s, mysterious, eccentric, moody
Acorn Dillon- 20’s, artist, rapper, babysitter
Featuring:
Spearchuck Openhide- ageless, doctor, playboy
Santo Domingo- 20’s, Latin heart throb, assassin
Darwin Jeffries- 20’s, choreographer, hippy, neo-souler
Fifty Cent- as himself
Justin Timberlake- as himself
Phillip Seymour Hoffman- as himself
Mos Def- as himself
AND
Steve Carell as Mr. Starbucks




Scene 1: It’s another day at Starbucks-ICU. Taylor is making coffee, Kurt is making sure the expresso filled syringes are displayed, Josephina is behind a register adjusting her cashmere bullet proof vest (its under her green lab coat), Britain is making a drink for a customer, and Spearchuck is refilling the napkins and cursing all of them under his breath. All is well in their world…until Lorna steps in. She has on sunglasses and is carrying a small bottle of Veuve Cleuqot with a straw in it. The instrumental/muzak version of ‘911 is a Joke’ by Public Enemy is playing.

Taylor:
Lorna, hey! Welcome to our Starbucks- (does game show showcase hands)

Lorna:
You do realize you are located in a hospital! There are dying people around. (sniffs the air with disgust)

Britain:
L, we know. There are tons of living people around too-

Lorna:
Barely. Not enough to drown out the smell of the dead. Smells like backstage at fashion week…rotting corpses. (sips her Veuve)

Josephina:
The dying ones are still brought a few fleeting moments of joy with our tasty treats, wonderful demeanors and innovative drinks. (smiles proudly)

Taylor:
(eyes Lorna) What’s up with you L, you seem a bit off.

Lorna:
Who me? Nothing- okay I am anxious because my step cousin is in town and I know for a fact, from Mr. Starbucks himself, that you guys are going to be shut down. (Josephina, Taylor and Kurt gasp, Spearchuck chuckles)

Kurt:
We’re the most popular Starbucks in the city, our gross is like…major-

Lorna:
That’s fine and all, but being in the ICU is not making Mr. Starbucks happy-

Taylor:
Like you know him.

Lorna:
I do. Personally.

Britain:
Personally…eh….(she and Taylor smirk at each other)

Lorna:
I know pretty much everyone, I am personal with very few.


Taylor:

What’s this about your step cousin- (just then the doors to the ICU open and in walks Darwin Jeffries, Lorna’s cousin. Britain, Taylor and Kurt’s mouths drop open, Lorna sips from her bottle of Veuve)

Darwin:
Not cool cuz, leaving me in the emergency room.

Lorna:
Sorry kiddo, wasn’t sure if Starbucks was your scene.

Taylor:
(whispers) Amazing…

Britain:
(whispers back) I know. Never seen Lorna nervous.


Taylor:

British accent. Tall…sexy-


Britain:

You’re droolin’!

Lorna:
Everyone, this is my step cousin Darwin. He’s from England. He likes footie and rootbeer.

Darwin:
What about long walks in the park and holdin’ hands? (he gives a bothered look and waves as everyone just stares at him, except Josephina who is icing cupcakes)


Kurt:

Lorna, you know he’s Black right…

Darwin:
Actually, I’m Jamaican and Irish- (Taylor slumps and Britain holds her up, Taylor is murmuring about her loins aching)

Kurt:
…but Lorna is still Asian….

Lorna:
So?

Kurt:
So….. (smiles shyly, looks from Lorna to Darwin, Darwin to Lorna)

Darwin:
So these are your friends, eh?

Lorna:
They’re a lot smarter than they seem.

Britain:
(waves with her free hand) Hey! Still standing here.


Darwin:

This place is giving me the willies. (shivers) I’m gonna check out that park we passed and do some tai chi- nice meeting you guys.

Taylor:
(leaps forward, Darwin jumps back) Hi. Taylor. You’re nice…

Darwin:
Thanks…uh….- (slowly backs out of the ICU, leaves)

Lorna:
So that’s my cousin.


Britain:

Seems cool. Why are you so anxious?

Lorna:
Family, like crunchy leaves, make me nervous. Plus, he’s British….they’re so formal.
Taylor:
(still in a daze) You’re nice…

Britain:
(snaps) Come on back, Taylor!

Josephina:
(finishes icing a cupcake, then responds to a text) Wait- did someone say we’re shutting down?

Lorna:
Yes. Mr. Starbucks wants you back at your other spot. That place has gone downhill!! (they all hi-5)


Josephina:

Can’t we run both?

Lorna:
You’ll have to ask him that. He’ll be around. He just pops up…with a bottle of wine and sesame crackers…- where am I? (looks around and sips her Veuve)

Britain:
Woah. You’re in the Starbucks- ICU.

Taylor:
Damn, Mr. Starbucks puts it down like that L? (finally snaps out of daze and goes behind counter)

Lorna:
(chuckles uncomfortably) What? Down…no, no, never.

Kurt:
So L, you’re half Black?

Lorna:
Kurt, Fidel Castro once told me there are 2 questions never to ask anyone. (there is an awkward silence as everyone waits for her to continue, she then finishes her bottle of Veuve and walks out)

Kurt:
Lorna’s Blasian! I love Blasian chicks-

Taylor:
Eff that. Let’s talk about her step cousin and how I’m going to have at least 3 of his children-and I have NEVER wanted to split my loins for anyone! (turns to Britain) Hey, you…me, Robert Downey Jr. and my love slave Darwin should double date-

Britain:
(turns bright red) That’s not possible. Robert Downey Jr. and I are not together right now.

Kurt, Josephina and Taylor:
What?!

Britain:
Yeah…um (looks at her watch) I’m going to take my ten. (leaves the Starbucks-ICU)

Kurt:
That sucks balls.

Taylor:
Speakin’ of balls…its smells wrong in here- (yells) NURSE! Someone needs a cleanup!

Britain decides to take her ten at The Gap. Joss Stone’s ‘You Were Made For Me’ plays in the background as she shops around. She winds up tugging at the same sweater as Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Britain:
Oh, I’m sorry-

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Oh don’t be sorry. (holds out his hand) Phillip.

Britain:
(blushes) Britain.

Phillip:
For the name alone you can have the sweater.

Britain:
Really?

Phillip:
No. (takes sweater and begins walking away. Then he turns back around to Britain who hasn’t moved)
You’re just gonna take that?!

Britain:
Well, there are so many Gap’s in the city-

Phillip:
Fuck that. You’re here now and you WANT this sweater...now- Wait, I know you!

Britain:
You do?

Phillip:
You’re RDJ’s lady. I’ve seen you at a few parties.

Britain:
(shifts and looks very uncomfortable) We’re not together anymore-

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Because he’s in jail. Because he’s weak and doesn’t value you and your relationship.


Britain:

No, he just has issues he has to work out, has nothing to do with his love or lack thereof for me.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Listen to yourself! The point is, he’s not with you now because he fucked up. I took your sweater and you’re acting like this is your fault!

Britain:
No, I’m not. Don’t judge me, Phillip Seymour Hoffman!

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Call me Judge Hoffman! Better me than the judge you meet when your on trial for murder because you finally raged out and killed someone.

Britain:
That burns! (clenches fists)

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Do like Usher and let it burn?! Let it out! Don’t just take it. (looks around in his tote bag and pulls out a leather bound book) Take this. It’s a journal I just bought. Clean pages. I want you to write in it. (hands Britain the book)

Britain:
(takes the book) Write…why I never thought of that…what should I write?

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Poetry. That’s always the easiest for getting the emotions in check. Britain, I am sure I’ll see you soon. (waves and leaves The Gap. Britain clutches the book to her chest.)

As Britain discovers another layer to her being, Kurt goes to the old Starbucks to check out the scene. His mouth falls open as he sees NO ONE in there. Acorn is reading a book by the counter and Marilyn is sitting by a window crying. Monks from Tibet humming over a congo drum is playing.


Kurt:
What the fuck is going on here?

Marilyn:
(runs into Kurt’s arms, and continues sobbing) It’s horrible. HORRIBLE.

Acorn:
My boo is overacting, no customers don’t mean our success is lackin’. Sit down sweetie or let’s starts lip smackin’…

Marilyn:
SHUT UP ACORN! Oh God Kurt its horrible. Horrible. All we serve is water and carob cocoa! No one comes in here. Not even the vegans! Not even the fuckin’ vegans!!

Kurt:
(can’t stifle his laughter) This is the best shit ever. (lets go of Marilyn and walks over to Acorn) You do realize you’re making no money…

Acorn:
Money, like women, takes time to come…so imma wait it out and be the champion.

Kurt:
With no money, you do realize Marilyn is going to leave you…which mean you won’t be seeing my son anymore…which means we can be friends! (holds out hand for soul brotha handshake)

Marilyn:
Well…Kurt…I am not breaking up with him.

Kurt:
Why the fuck not?

Marilyn:
He’s shit for brains…and the rhymes are gruesome…but he’s hung like a stallion and fucks like a newly released convict.

Kurt:
(dry heaves) Oh…dude…that’s so gross. (coughs)

Acorn:
Looks like I’m in like Flynn, still wanna be my friend?

Kurt:
(rolls his eyes) Fine. For the boy. (they soul brotha handshake) How about this Saturday we all go bowling?

Acorn:
Balls rollin’ rollin’, when I’m ballin’ bowlin’. I’ll be around and down.

Kurt:

Great.

Marilyn:
Just when I think I have you figured out…

Kurt:
Yeah, yeah. I’m just a suspense novel. Gotta go. (leaves the Starbucks)

Josephina and Taylor are chillin’ at Taylor’s apartment. They are watching The Maury Povich show and eating Twizzlers.


Taylor:
This show makes my life.

Josephina:
Yeah. (goes back to texting on her Sidekick)

Taylor:
Damn you’ve been texting all day. What the fuck?

Josephina:
Hey, we should go.

Taylor:
Where?

Josephina:
We’re heading to this place in DUMBO. My friend Kanye is doing a guest appearance in someone’s video-

Taylor:
Kanye West?

Josephina:
Yep.

Taylor:
Does Fifty know? (turns off the TV)

Josephina:
(gets bothered) I can have friends! (gets up and starts gathering her things)

Taylor:
Easy tiger….I’ll go with-

Josephina:
Okay, the video is for Justin’s new song…’The Meanest Cat’-

Taylor:
OH SHIT! The one about me?

Josephina:
You still wanna come?

Taylor:
Yes and yes.

As the friends make their way to Brooklyn, Spearchuck is meeting with Santo Domingo at a children’s playground. They are sitting at opposite ends of a bench.

Spearchuck:
(has on a trench coat, has his hands in the pockets, looks very suspicious) I hear you’re the best.

Santo:
(is dressed all in black, in a turtleneck and leather jeans) I am.

Spearchuck:
Have you ever killed four people at once?

Santo:
I have.

Spearchuck:
(pulls four pictures out of his pocket, Santo looks at Taylor pic, Kurt’s pic, Josephina’s pic and then pauses on Britains) Here they are. I want each and every one of them dead. Within hours of each other. At the same time. Give them no time to warn each other.

Santo:
Fine. Is that it?

Spearchuck:
Yes. (when he looks up, Santo is GONE)

Josephina and Taylor make their way into DUMBO and are in a loft space. There are camera’s and people everywhere. Every time they spot Justin, they duck him. They stumble upon Fifty Cent and Kanye West ice grillin’ each other.

Josephina:
Curtis?!

Fifty Cent:
(shakes out of his ice grill daze) Babe. (they hug and make out shortly)


Josephina:

Kanye! (she and Kanye hug. Fifty Cent is steaming)


Fifty Cent:

Okay, okay. Get your hands off my woman. (Kanye smirks and then walks off) You are real friendly with him-


Josephina:

We’re friends. He’s the one that let me know this is going on. YOU didn’t!

Fifty Cent:
Babe, I know you don’t like these sort of things.

Josephina:
What the fuck are you talkin’ about? I love choreography and bling!

Taylor:
(absent mindedly taps Josephina’s shoulder) Oh- there he is….him…gosh (begins fixing hair. Josephina looks over to see Darwin showing Justin Timberlake a complicated dance move)

Fifty Cent:
I thought you thought JT was wack?

Josephina:
She likes the other guy-


Fifty Cent:

What the fuck do you see in that fruity pebble?! Fuck that dude. You need to get back with JT.

Josephina:
Stop it Curtis! (Taylor starts walking towards Darwin and Justin Timberlake)

Justin:
(stops dancing when he see’s Taylor, he smiles. Darwin has a shocked and bothered look) Ah there she is, my inspiration. (he goes to kiss Taylor’s hand)

Taylor:
Justin, no- no, Justin! (speaks as if she is talking to a dog) Go sit, Justin! (he whimpers and walks towards a chair marked: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE)

Darwin:
Justin, I haven’t finished showing you the move- (Justin waves him off and goes to sit down, Darwin sighs heavily and begins meditating while standing up)

Taylor:
(moves closer to Darwin)
You can show me some moves…

Darwin:
(opens his eyes and comes out of his standing lotus position) You just give all your candy away, don’t ya?


Taylor:

If by candy you mean ‘Taylor I want to make you sweat with horizontal body movements’….then yes.

Darwin:
I’m going to get some tea. Don’t follow me. (walks off)

Josephina:
Wow-

Taylor:
Yeah I know. Its only a matter of time.

Fifty Cent:
I don’t understand why you’re throwin’ goodies at him, when JT is all up in your Kool-Aid-

Josephina:
Get off Justin’s dick, Curtis!

Taylor:
Been there, done that with Justin. Darwin is on a whole other level and he will be mine. All mine.


Scene 2: The next day the gang is back at Starbucks-ICU. Everything is normal until the doors swing open and a golden light appears. A few moments later Mr. Starbucks appears. He is dressed in a finely tailored suit. He holds out a hand, and on his pinky is a diamond encrusted tall Starbucks cup pinkie ring. One by one, everyone kisses the ring…Josephina and he compare bling. Britain goes behind a register and begins writing in her notebook, something she does often now. Mr. Starbucks holds up and hand, this means he is about to speak.

Mr. Starbucks:
If I can have a moment of your time. You glorious barista’s. (everyone is captivated by him) You are my favorite group because you make me a lot of money. You also make the best frappacino’s that have ever passed my lips…into my mouth and on my tongue. You know I came up with the frappacino while in Tuscany. I wanted a coffee milkshake, but with more ice less milk, more cream. I wanted to use the word frappa. I like the word frappa. (smiles taking in all their wonderful faces) This Starbucks-ICU thing is really innovative, but it’s not the direction I want to go in. Sick people make me feel…ill.-

Taylor:
If I may interject-

Mr. Starbucks:
Sure you can Taylor…you sexy minx. (he caresses her cheek, Taylor blushes)

Taylor:
Well, I understand your issues, but feel this is the perfect place to be. Plus, we’re making triple what we made at the other Starbucks-

Mr. Starbucks:
That is music to my ears buttercup, but I still hate sick people. I want you guys back at the old spot.

Josephina:
But Mr.- (Mr. Starbucks puts a soft finger to Josephina’s trembling lips)

Mr. Starbucks:
Josephina, my tender angel. Please don’t make this difficult. Just do as I ask. (turns to Kurt) I want you guys there by next week. If its not done, Sandleback…I’ll murder you. (he then walks out taking the golden light with him)


We are at Bowlmar Lanes, the disco bowling alley in Union Square. We see Kurt putting on a pair of bowling shoes, he rolls his eyes as Acorn puts on his son’s. Marilyn is practicing her bowling form. As Kurt stands and stretches he sees Josephina, Taylor, and Britain walking towards them.


Kurt:
What the heck are you guys doing here?

Taylor:
Nice to see you too. (sits down and begins putting on her bowling shoes)

Josephina:
We heard you guys were bowling and figured we’d join. Curtis should be here shortly. (looks at Taylor) Lorna just texted, she is coming too, with her step cousin.

Taylor:
Yes! (looks at Britain, who is of course writing in her notebook) You gonna put that down long enough to join us in this good time…

Britain:
Maybe. Its tough when you’re on a journey of self discovery. (they all stare at her a bit)

Kurt:
Yeah….but seriously guys, this was family time-

Taylor:
We’re you’re family too.

Josephina:
And if Acorn can be here…

Acorn:
Ladies, ladies ready for some playing, playing?

Marilyn:
Ugh. What are you bitches doing here?

Britain:
We came to play, we came to win so just the fuck up and let’s hit some pins. (everyone’s mouths drop, Acorn shivers with joy…and maybe because he just ‘dirtied’ himself)

Taylor:
Well on that note-

Lorna:
(saunters over, Darwin is a few steps behind her) Did I just hear Britain rhyme?

Josephina:
Yes you did. (waves Fifty Cent over) Who knew ole Brit has such skills?

Darwin:
Yeah that was pretty dope. (hands her a card that reads: Nyurican Café) You should come by and flow. Whenever I am in town choreographing video’s I go by here and set my mind free. (Britain takes the card and places it in her book)

Britain:
(smiles) Thanks.

Taylor:
(eyes Darwin)
‘Set your mind free’- what are you a weed head?

Darwin:
No, never that. I get on stage and just rock some poetry off the dome. I set my mind free-

Taylor:
(has a look of horror) Oh man, that is musk and patchulli I smell…you’re…you’re…one of those-

Britain:
(says under breath)
Oh man…

Darwin:
(crosses arms) One of what?

Fifty Cent:
A tight t-shirt back packer-

Josephina:
You mean like Kanye?!

Fifty Cent:
Everything is not always about your homeboy Kan-ye! Fuck that dude.

Josephina:
He’s my friend! I don’t say anything when you’re going to parties with that tool Diddy or that clap-whore Paris Hilton!

Kurt:
People, people. This is family time. A time to leave all our troubles at the door. Put on some fancy shoes and play a family fun time game.

Fifty Cent:
Corny White boy is right. Let’s pick teams and get this party sti-zzarted.

Acorn:
Let’s come together, and even if it’s a big mess, we’ll all be better for it- (shakes his head, thinks his mojo is lost)

Taylor:
I’m gonna go get some cheesy fries and a beer. This is going to be a long night.

Darwin:
I’ll come with, I could use a pint.

Taylor:
No, no- I’m going over- (she ends the sentence and runs away)

Fifty Cent:
(chuckles) Damn son. Shorty straight played him.

Lorna:
Tsk, tsk. When Taylor finally figures what’s what in her box, it’ll be too late.

Darwin:
(shrugs and then jogs in place)
Fickle women are glorious to my hamstrings and always worth the chase. (he runs in the direction Taylor ran in)

Marilyn:
Are we going to figure out teams or wait to see if Mr. Eastender mates with that troll Taylor?

Lorna:
I am going to get a Scotch, neat. I’ll be on whomever’s team. (saunter’s off)

Fifty Cent:
Imma roll to the DJ booth and see if he’ll play my joints-

Josephina:
Well I’m going to request Kanye’s! (they race each other to the DJ booth)

Kurt:
(looks at Marilyn, his son and Acorn)
I’m gonna go get some chilli fries.



Scene 3: A sign reads Nyurican Café, we go inside and see a few people at tables. Taylor with a look of disgust on her face is standing at the bar with Josephina and Fifty Cent. Kurt with a look of anguish is sitting at a table with Marilyn and Acorn. Lorna is laying across a piano at the side of the stage singing “That’s The Way Love Goes” by Janet Jackson. She is holding her beloved flask.

Lorna:
(with jazzy inflections) Like a moth to a flame….come on baby light my fire…

Taylor:
Is this The Doors or Ms. Jackson?

Josephina:

Its Lorna.

Fifty Cent:
I might remix this shit…its pretty dope.

Taylor:

Why are we here again?


Josephina:

For Britain. This is her debut and we have to support our girl…even if we are at a spoken word café…

Taylor:
(places a hand on her forehead) I think I feel a headache coming on-

Mos Def:
(stands beside Taylor)
Well, well, well…if it isn’t Taylor Green-

Taylor:
Mos ‘fuckin’ Def, you elaborate tool…also one of the main reasons I NEVER come to spoken word café’s.

Mos Def:
Like myself, a lil poetry will do your soul…and your body some good.


Taylor:

Fuck you…you actor-slash- rapper!

Fifty Cent:
Hey Mos, I’m Fifty and this is my girl Josephina. (they shake, Mos Def kisses Josephina’s pie ring)

Mos Def:
A pleasure to meet yall. Too bad you’re hanging with the riff raff (look as Taylor), if you want a better seat, I can get you a table in the front-

Taylor:
We’re good right here. Less spittle hitting us and less chances of me throwing shit at people on stage. (smiles)

Mos Def:
Oh you devious sunset colored jezebel. (shakes his head and walks onto the stage, speaks into a mic) Let’s give a big around of applause to Lorna Long and her wonderful jazzi-fied tunes. (everyone claps, Lorna bows and saunters off stage) Now, I’d like to bring up a fellow from across the pond. A deep mellow fellow. Here is Darwin Jeffries! (some people snap their fingers, others clap)

Josephina:
(nudges Taylor)
Ah, its your boy. Maybe he’ll do something about you-

Taylor:
Hopefully not.

Darwin:
(soul brotha handshakes with Mos Def, and then steps up to the mic) Hello. Here is a poem I call: Candy Girl (Taylor puts her head in her hands). Candy girl. You rock my world. So sweet, sweet you can melt in my mouth. My love goes deep deep, I’ll even go down South (a couple of ladies woo hoo, Taylor dry heaves). Unwrapping you slow, savoring all your flavor. Breakin’ you softly, like you were a crispy wafer. Oh please, oh please leave some crumbs on my mouth so when you’re not around I can taste what you’re all about. You’re making this hard for me, but please believe, I’ll have your candy by any means. Cross oceans, ponds and large streets. Taking handful of your treats and lickin’ my fingers like you’ll be lickin’ my meat- (looks into the crowd) That’s all I have so far. (all the men clap loudly, Taylor is slumped on the bar)

Josephina:
Wow.

Fifty Cent:
Yo in all seriousness, that mofo is kinda tight…(turns to Taylor) and he wants to give your cervix a hurtin’!

Taylor:
How much longer till Britain? (Mos Def then steps onto the stage)

Josephina:
She might be next! (smiles)

Mos Def:
That took my soul…and my manhood on a spiritual flight, Darwin. Real nice. Next up we have a café virgin yall! Give it up for Britain Sawyer! Be gentle guys! (hoots and loud claps, Britain steps onto the stage)

Britain:
Thank you. (takes a moment, closes her eyes, the instrumental to “Lose Yourself” by Eminem AKA the theme from 8mile plays in her head) This is: Who I Am. You think you know, but like my diary, you only think you know. Dudes try n’ play me like I’m a ho fo’ sho’. I am not an artifact to put up in your museum, so many people sleepin’ on me makes me wanna scream! If you knew who I am, then you would you never test cuz I’m shootin’ first with no bulletproof vest. I’m scalping bitches like I’m Pocahontas, leavin’ a bloody hot mess, a trails of your insides. Besides, who’s gonna miss you when you’re gone, probably me, cuz I’m the person who cares that nobody sees! (people start to clap, Marilyn stands and yells BOOOOOOO, but that is cut short by a bullet…then 2 hit her in the back, everyone starts ducking and screaming, Santo disappears into the dark night)

Kurt:
(is holding Marilyn’s head, she is bleeding from the mouth)
Marilyn’s been shot! Oh shit. Are you okay?

Marilyn:
(in a whisper)
NO! I’ve been fuckin’ shot! (pulls Kurt close by his plaid shirt) I have to tell you something-

Acorn:
One baby’s been shot, another still makes my heart pop (is staring at Britain).

Kurt:
What is it, Marilyn? (leans close)

Marilyn:
The baby….isn’t…yours-(dies)

Kurt:
What? WHAT?! No, no fuckin’ way! (drops Marilyn’s head) Who’s the baby’s daddy? (taps Marilyn’s lifeless body with his foot) Who is it?!

Fifty Cent:
(pulls Kurt away)
Come on man, let’s get some air. (they step outside)

Taylor:
What we need to find out is who shot Marilyn…so we can give them endless frappacino’s and chocolate chip cookies!

Josephina:
Maybe help Kurt find out who the kids father is so he can get all his money back.

Darwin:
(walks over with Lorna, grabs Taylor and begins checking her body for bullet wounds) You alright, love?

Taylor:
(shakes out his arms) Fine. If your wack poetry didn’t cause much damage, I doubt a bullet would.

Darwin:
You’re a tough bird, but I can tame you proper.

Taylor:
Many have tried, none have succeeded. (claps as Britain makes her way towards them) There she is, the lady with the words that slay!

Britain:
(bows)
Yes. Too bad about Marilyn.

Josephina:
I have to say I felt your anger mama! (they hi-5)

Britain:
Thank you. It was quite therapeutic. The only bad part is…now Acorn is all on my tit again. (Acorn is standing behind her smiling)

Taylor:
Oh man. I know what you mean- ( Darwin pulls her close and they start making out, Taylor pushes away from him) on second thought. I’ll see you fools later! (yells out and is pointing at Marilyn) Yo, Mos! Cleanup isle three! (pulls Darwin along and they leave the café)


Scene 4: Everything is back to normal. The gang is back at their Starbucks. Kurt is chatting with a few customers. Taylor and Britain are behind the registers. Josephina is making a frappacino. The doors open and in comes Phillip Seymour Huffman. Britain runs from behind the counter and they hug.

Phillip Seymour Huffman:
I said I would see you again, Britain.

Britain:
That you did, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Would you like a drink?

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Oh no. Just wanted to congratulate you on your poetic success and for killing that wretched wench Marilyn Herringbone-

Britain:
Wait- you know Marilyn?

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Yeah. Took a few acting classes together and the bitch totally jacked my style. Oh well. She’s dead now. You are like a phoenix, rising from that miserable whores ashes.

Britain:
That I am.

Taylor:
(comes from behind the counter)
Hey, I thought you were great in that film with Ben Stiller….

Josephina:
(yells from behind the counter)
My personal trainer speaks like Capote!

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Um, wow and thanks. (focuses his attention on Britain) I also wanted you to know that RDJ is being released soon….

Britain:
Okay.

Kurt:
Were you in ‘The Wedding Singer’? That is my favorite movie, ever.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman:
Okay, I’ve got to get the fuck out of here. Britain, see you soon. (they squeeze each others hand, and he leaves)

Kurt:
That was John Goodman, right?

Britain:
Oh Kurt, why didn’t a stray bullet graze you-

Taylor:
Speaking of grazing. I may not hate England so much.

Josephina:
They’re so proper though-

Taylor:
But pure savages when it counts! (they all hi-5, except for Kurt)

Kurt:
More importantly, could John Goodman be the kids father? (they all gasp, then Acorn strolls in)

Acorn:
That’s a good question, not to mention, Marilyn was a ho with no direction. But even she had her limits as to who could get their flesh in. She told me once who planted her seed, but I can’t tell you, nope indeed. (they all gasp again, and Kurt begins choking Acorn)


To Be Continued………..

WHO is the kids father?
Will Britain go back to Robert Downey Jr.?
Will Taylor keep going down like London, London, London?
What do Lorna, Mos Def and Kid Rock have to do with all of this???
STAY TUNED!!!!

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