Friday, June 18, 2010

Not Possible

Today has been a slow and quiet day at work which has left me with a lot of time to research my varying interest- some related to stories I’m working on - and time to contemplate how one gets kidnapped and forced to do crack and drink large amounts of alcohol.
Recently, this actor Jeremy London who was on one of them FOX shows claims he was kidnapped and forced to do crack…and drink alcohol-not the rubbing kind.
If you recall the legendary Rick James was accused of kidnapping some woman and forcing her to smoke crack.
Compelling!
Having had various crackhead relatives and growing up in New York City where crackhead’s are known to roam the streets as much as pigeons- needless to say, I know my crackheads. Am also basing my analysis of them on Samuel L. Jackson and Halle Berry’s characters in the amazing flick ‘Jungle Fever’ One thing that is true about them (ALL of them), is that NONE of them would force/want another person smoking their rock. Do you know what they had to do to get that shit????!!! Something that would make even one of them Kardashian ho’s blush.
I believe they would kidnap you in hope of getting money for more rocks-or forcing you to bring them to your apartment and then stealing your toaster and TV to buy more rocks. But forcing you to smoke the rocks they’ve stolen/prostitution whored themselves out for- HELLS NO!
Literally, all day I have run various scenarios in my head and all of them leave me with the same conclusion: people who claim to have been kidnapped and forced to smoke crack are full of horse shit!!
The next time someone tries to run that game on you, just say: stop playing’, CRACKHEAD!
Then run away before they steal your iPad or something.

In other news, here is a funny chat excerpt between E and I- remember my random homie who loves himself the drink, large amounts of cologne and Abercrombie & Fitch. Basically, my polar opposite.

E: happy belated homie!

Me: hahaha tanks homie!!
how are you??!!

E: good good. heading out of the office a little early, open house/happy hour at my buddy’s firm. free booze attracts me like a fly to shit

Me: sounds classy. also, not surprising.

E: ha

me: just don't fall on your face
or get ass raped by a bear, you ARE in PA

E: I are.

me: so be careful

E: pretty sure you would get a kick out of my attire today...
I have a blue time with many small pink whales with blow holes
...yes spewing blow holes. no homo

me: wow!!! how waspy of you.
you still rockin abercrombie everything?

E: nah trying to grow up...crew/bananna now

me: wow! cashmere sweaters n shit??

E: yea real snazzy shit
you ever hear from kirk?

me: nah i don't chat with that bitch
j and b barely do!
last i heard he was in school and his girl dumped him

E: oh dam that sucks
thought they were lifers

me: karma

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