Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Conversations With Ice: Vacation!

Here is another conversation I would have with Ice T if he and I were friends in real life (like WE SHOULD BE). Peeps tell me to join Twitter and follow him and my response to them is: fuck.that.shit.
If it is meant to be then so it shall...

Since Ice T and Coco (his wife) are on vacation in South Beach- and I am left here all cold n’ alone- Ice and I decided to Skype because we both get a lil antsy when we don’t get to chat.
Ice is sitting on beach with his laptop, once in a while I see Coco’s boob or ass cheek when she is not in the water. I am sitting indoors under fluorescent lighting.

Ice T: You don’t look so chipper…chipmunk?

Me: Oh, now you get all perky when you’re on the beach-

Ice T: I’m not even perky…it may be them five Mai Tai’s I had though…

Me: Whatevs.

Ice T: Don’t be so bitter, it ain’t cute. Coco asked if you wanted to come-

Coco: (her left boob and chin appear in the corner of the screen) I did! I remember after I posted my Thong Thursday Twitter pic I sent you a message asking to join us in South Beach but you said something about having a date…

Ice T: Wow, you go on those?

Me: Yeah I do Ice with your dad!

Ice T: Hush your mouth, Sweet T. One date with my pops and you’ll be turned out and cooking three-course meals with nothing but some pearls and five inch heels.

Me: That is not only highly unlikely, it is unsanitary.

Coco: (left boob and chin appear again) Not if you shave down there…

Ice T: She don’t know nothing about that Coco that’s why she only gets a date and not dates. (chuckles)

Me: Is this gangsta Skyping? Y’all gonna gang up on me- I’ll turn this shit off-

Ice T: Woah. Easy there tiger. You can usually roll with the punches- you know C rock and I ain’t trying to rain on your parade.

Me: I know. It was just a tough week. I didn’t sleep enough and one of my cats passed away…

Coco: Someone ‘killed the kitty’? Good going T!
Ice T: Hey Coco, go get us a couple of Mai Tai’s and let the umbrella guy look at that ass again so we don’t have to pay for another hour…please. (you hear shuffling and muffled back n’ forth before Coco leaves)
Ice T: Sorry about that, Sweet T…

Me: All good. I’ll admit that besides my bad week I am a lil bitter that I am not lying on a beach chair sipping Mai Tai’s.

Ice T: Next time stop trying to be cool and just join us-separate hotel rooms though cuz Coco and I tend to get loud-

Me: Please. Stop. I would stay in a different hotel so I can get my swerve on without you guys trying to video tape it.

Ice T: Don’t nobody wanna see that shit. (smiles) You gonna perk the fuck up by the time I get back?

Me: Sure. I really was fine until I saw the beach- it is grey and cold in New York.

Ice T: Might be time to grow the ponytail back if it’s really cold-

Me: Oh hells nah. What, you want to keep a spot on your neck warm? You know that pony wasn’t luscious…

Ice T: C rock is almost back with the Mai Tai’s, I ‘m about to peace out on your cold, bitter, pale ass…

Me: Have fun snorkeling in the shallow end-

Ice T: Funny. We’ll go for nachos n’ margarita’s when I get back.

Me: Yes, yes we will.

The End


  1. I love the insanity that lives in your head, especially when it ties into my desire to vacation and eat Mexican food and have cocktails!

  2. HAHA! Thanks Nancy!
    I think we all just wanna throw on a thong bikini and sip a fruity drink (that has tequila in it)...and just breathe

  3. aw man, kitty death - Ice knows how to console. I love this. But I'm still sad!