Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Place Where I Work: Elevator Wars

The Scene: Main lobby elevators, lunch time.

The Players: Me, Old Instigator, Chica Uno, Chica Dos

The Play by Play:

After an awkward joke with a guard- *sidebar/backstory*
I am a temp and therefore not to be trusted with an elevator access card so various guards get to tap me in much to their delight. The guard today is new yet still with the ole: imma charge ya 5 bucks to let ya in joke.
So I come back from the MEGA LUNCHROOM and need to be let back into the elevator bank that takes me back to my office. Thinking that new guard was young and maybe had personality...when I go to request being let in I say: hey can you stop looking at porn on your iPhone and let me in, please.
I did this because he was looking on his iPhone.
He stares at me a bit and then begins walking me to the elevator bank. Silence. The he says he was checking messages from his mom. More silence.
....and we're back!

I enter the elevator back and see Old Instigator and Chica Uno standing there waiting. Chica Uno smiles at me. I warily smile back- I don't trust friendly people.
Elevator doors open and Chica Dos steps out. Chica Uno calls out to her, they hug. Old Instigator and I get in the elevator-BUT- Chica Uno and Dos want to hop in (last minute style)...and the doors close in their faces.

Old Instigator: She saw your face!
Me: She saw my face do what?
Old Instigator: She saw your face, she knows you let the doors close on her.
Me: Oh well...and I didn't. Elevator doors close. It happens regularly.
Old Instigator: Well she saw you-
Me: I am nice to look at.

Silence the rest of the thankfully short ride.

I do realize it is now on and will expect retribution from Chica Dos.
I'll be waiting.


  1. People suck, i relish, RELISH when the elevator slams in their face, *too bad so sad sucker!*

  2. The feeling of keeping someone out of an elevator is second only to letting loose a particularly violent fart silently near an enemy and then eyeing them as though they dealt it.

  3. you both raise valid points and I am in total agreement. I *heart* watching the door close on people and am known to scowl at a fellow elevator rider when they hold the door for people OR catch the doors JUST AS they're about to close.
    peeps need to learn to let go and know another one will be along. they also need to get over and remember my face bitches-it is one of someone who doesn't.give.a.fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!