Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Place Where I Work: A Friggin' Whirlwind

It has truly been a whirlwind these last few days. The veil of mystery has been lifted and I have shaken hands with a coke whore.
Just all kinds of craziness...

I mentioned before how tonight I am going for drinks with Snacki, RiRi, Texas and possibly Clark Kent...plus a few others.
How did we get from occasional hello's to him jokingly saying that I dropped my iTouch (thus cracking the screen because I couldn't decide on a friggin case) because merely seeing his face caused me to orgasm and drop the Apple product that I will buy again n' again like a good minion???
Clark Kent is pervy- which is right up my ally, but still causes me to prude up because I think of him as the wholesome man of steel...so when he says things about making me moist or jokes about this other guards man junk or says I'm attractive like 5 or 6 times...I fumble my words and begin walking away. Thanks to Toronto and Snacki, I have another name for CK so that my image of him isn't totally ruined and I can get with the fierce boning- notice how I am a pervy bitch but when dudes throw it back at me I clutch the pearls!! This happens mostly because I want to straddle them due to my minute ho-like tendencies...alas I am not a ho, so I clutch the pearls and am guffawed.
ANYWAYS, due to the success of The Jersey Shore, Canada-Toronto to be exact, has come out with The LakeShore (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=t-kpzWbv2Tc). This reality show has 8 std ridden Canadian immigrants living together...and by golly I think they have the Jersey Shore beat because they not only go by ill advised porn names, they go by nationalities. For instance, this douche Downtown D is also know as The Albanian...because he's...ALBANIAN! After revealing to Snacki that CK has a large...pervy side, she called him Midtown D because he is...ALBANIAN and works in Midtown. BRILLIANT!

This will either go really well- with the alcohol and me...and CK/Midtown D...or I could wind up in a bathroom stall with CK/Midtown wondering how it came to this and how I can enter the office building without EVER running into him again.
So there's that...
Remember how I mentioned the time I spend shredding things at work relaxes me...that was until Slutty Small Arm cornered me. She started out by complimenting my shoes and OFFICIALLY introduced her self. I've been here since MAY, but she saw Snacki and I coming back from our daily 'Kit Kat break' and wanted in.
So, she introduces herself and I do the same...which leads to me shaking her good hand...and her saying that people must confuse us all the time. Two cute, light skinned Black girls....
I agree, but subconsciously become Italian and start talking A LOT with BOTH my hands!! Also, I mentally told myself not to mention how I have both my arms when she went on about people getting us confused and then asked if I was mixed like she is. I said I wasn't and that people think I am a Latina. This lead to a conversation about languages. The whole time in my head I am thinking about the Purell I'm going to use and how I can't believe this coke whore is trying to be friendly with me NOW! My BS chit chat can only go so far so the convo ends shortly. Snacki says I've made a new bestie and I say that Slutty Small Arm has never known the realness that is ME! The moment she mentions a lunch date, or grabbing coffee or snorting coke off of CK/Midotwn D's pert nutsac- I will simply say: No...
Then I'll continue typing or trolling the internet. I think it's a great plan.

Speaking of pert nutsac's, remember Drake from my last job with B?? Well he and I have been emailing because he misses me, my face and my asshole capabilities. He wants to meet for drinks...I don't know if there is some planetary alignment where cock is coming from the woodwork...but I'm down.

Hopefully my blog entry tomorrow won't be a long paragraph about the perks of waking up in CK/Midtown D's bejeweled Affliction tee and doing the walk of shame ALL DAY at work.

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