Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Place Where I Work: Ego's and Erotica

Where do I begin?
You would think with it being a slow work week that I wouldn’t blog about work. I would write a reflectively deep passage about this past year. Life. Where I am headed. How my soul is coming to terms with me listening to Lil Wayne-in small doses.
Quiet and slow leads to people being bored and feeling the need chat. Chatting leads to revelations and me wanting a camera crew here-no laugh track needed.
….remember when I felt Drake was being hot n’ cold, well there was a reason for that. The obvious being that he wants to slide more than his tip in…repeatedly. Also, he found out that the ladies and I went for drinks and he wasn’t invited. I was like dude quit acting like a chick. I then added that I was about to invite him, but forgot.
He forgave me and now we are bosom buddies. Young Drake was like an unopened bottle of Cristal and I came along and shook him up…opened him and he exploded everywhere-meaning that I unleashed his personality. Well, not really, it’s just that he feels he can open up to me. He finds me to be genuine and non-gossipy; FINALLY someone has looked in my eyes and sees that I could give a fuck. Really. Anyways, he likes that and now does impressions of coworkers for me and he tells me his dreams. He also plays along which is important to me in my friendships…even work ones.
One day B saw us together and gave me a look. It was basically like: holllly shit, he’s about to
She asked where we were coming from and I said we had just finished making love, Drake nodded and shrugged like it was so-so. B then approved of him and deems him worthy of an after work cocktail.
…then last night Drake wanted to take the train home or at least partially. I danced around an answer and wound up leaving with B. I mean its understandable talking to me for any length of time makes dudes wanna ‘take the lil man from inside the boat’ Phife once said.
In the world outside of my head…you know the REAL world, Drake just wanted a lil train company.
Ah, the ego.
If I feel Drake starting to slip away I will have to enlist the help of Darlin’ Nikki. Darlin’ Nikki has been at this company for a bit and thinks herself a ‘queen bee’. I am calling her Darlin’ Nikki because underneath her corporate know-it-all, I am a mom/grandma exterior, there’s a FREAK. This woman has a lovah. Not a boyfriend. A lovah! A lovah with whom she exchanges erotic poetry with.
Yes, erotic poetry.
How do I know this? Well, B says that one day Darlin’ Nikki asked her if she could think of something that rhymed with deep throat. B probably turned many shades of red and went into that state of where you hear someone, but you don’t because you don’t wanna hear them. When B inquired as to why she needed to rhyme something with deep throat, DN tells her about her lovah and how they do. Being a perv, I told B that DN could do no wrong no matter how bitchy she is to everyone.
Anywho, I guess DN was flustered that day and accidently sent our boss the poem she wrote about deep throating.
Then today, B says that DN was working on a new poem. Here’s what she had so far: *ahem*

"All down her throat, his cock was sliding and gliding."

There’s not much I can say after that. So, I am going to end this here…and add that I WISH I was making this stuff up.

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