Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Place Where I Work: Rock Groups, Tigers and Blair-Oh My!

I am oh so sorry for being lame and not blogging about my work day yesterday, but I've been too busy playing on school night's which I am getting too old to do. Plus, I love sleep so much. Love it.
Anywho, it wasn't like anything too thrilling happened yesterday at work. It was mostly me being sleepy which means loopiness and therefore laughter. Thankfully, I work closely with House of Pain- who is really hilarious and cool, and Blair- a coworker I haven't introduced you to yet.
Let me preface my introduction to Blair by saying I *heart* her. I call her Blair because she reminds me of Blair from the classic TV show Facts of Life. She is all American, girl-next-door (not them whores on E!), young and still has dreams. I deemed Blair worthy of my curiosity and minute affection- meaning I would look out for her (we started on the same day) and have her back- when this guy walks by and she turns to me and says, "...ever see someone that you just want to punch in the face...like you don't know them, but you can just tell they need it."
I slowly nod, eyes brimming with tears and I say, "...all the time." We smile at each other and fates have been sealed.
Blair also knows of my unrequited/non-existent 'love' for Drake. She has the same type of thing going on with a guy who sits across from us. He barely acknowledges her, but at least he's not straight MEAN like Drake is to me.
There I was trying out my funny on him and he looked at me like I said nothing at all. He really has NO IDEA what he's in for. This just means I will make fun of him till he loves me- its like when Mike Tyson said he'd fuck ya till you love him, it's like that but with less lube.
Drake does stare at me a lot and Blair thinks he's scared of me for some reason. AGAIN with the scared. I really don't get how I scare some guys- yet I have some guys ballsy enough to tell me I'm sexy and MUST be Dominican or Puerto Rican. Perhaps ignorance allows for courage, but that shit just makes me stabby.

Oh, because House of Pain, Blair and I are so cool...and hilarious, we have formed a metal band called The Ladies. Its a lot of screaming over shrilling guitars, but we have potential. Our inspiration came from daily insanity...and this tiger pin brooch I bought. Thanks to B, I realize it looks a tad Ed Hardy- only a lil less douche-y and more BAD ASS! I bought the brooch as an act of rebellion against CrazyEyes who roundaboutly deemed herself a more conservative dresser. The one who has the white lace gloves and the CRAZY EYES.
I saw the pin and was all like EFF YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU CONSERVATIVE!!
*sigh* The pin is awesome though. Awesome. The tigers mouth is all open, showing fang...and the inner ears are pink jewels. So fantastic!

...'member how I was worried about me and the 2 Starbucks I would have to 'takeover' in order to make my work days more...easy-breezy? Well, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but DAMN I am GOOD! We all know how I have my morning crew in my building which includes: Mi Amour (the guy who told me he loves me and is waiting for me to love him), SeanKingston (cuz the dude looks like Sean Kingston-he is buddies with Mi Amour, so even if Mi Amour is busy or away, Sean takes care of me. he knows my drinks and has them waiting for me by the time I pay-LOVE HIM. he also upgrades and gives me free snacks. LOVE HIM.), Lil Asian B (this dude is little and Asian and LOVES B- I have suggested a double date picnic with me and Mi Amour, B declined because she knows they'll just bring them wack Starbucks sammiches). That is MY morning crew. There are a few interchangeable lesbians, but for the most part, the fella's take care of me. Now I've come to realize I can't go to my building Starbucks in the afternoon because of the LESBIAN TAKEOVER. Seriously. No dudes or straight chicks. All lesbians. One would think I would THRIVE. Wrong. They always get my drink order wrong and give me attitude...AND they don't hook me up. Eff them broads. So, I have to go to the other Starbucks in the afternoon where I have another barista boo who *hearts* me and hooks it up. All because I am friendly...and the cheekbones. The calling cards to a barista's heart. Awww....

The high lite and probably WINNER of the week is B introducing me to the website makemebabies.com. Let's just say when I am not working...I am makin' babies. Yes, I have mated Drake and I, and our baby is CUUUUUUTE. Have also mated myself with a few celebs... and those have come out a bit iffy.
I HAVE NOT mated myself with guys I know because that ish is creepy....and I feel that I am fertile enough as to where just making it happen on a website will make it come to be FOR REAL.
Want kids, but um...I'm just a broke bitch trying to live Bloomingdale dreams with Target money.
...oh and then there's that whole baby daddy thing.

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