Monday, November 9, 2009

Catchin' Feelings.

I've been asked if my blog is a reflection of my soul-as in my feelings and every aspect of my existence, and my answer is simple-no.
Please don't feel cheated because I do reveal a lot of the insanity that are the inner workings of my mind-most of the time...and IT IS easier for me to express my feelings with the written word because if I do so vocally it will be: mumbled, disjointed, or mostly be curse words-which can be effective, but lack emotional depth...well...sometimes.
It may be hard to tell, but I am a sensitive being....and may have issues with feelings (nothing more than feeeeelings). Besides fearing fear itself, I fear catching me some feelings. This is not just about dudes (though I punch the air when I likes me a dude and start a countdown till when I'll hate him), it's about EVERYTHING. I think this stems from my shy, quiet, sensitive and loving youth. Man, I loved everything and everyone. Was just open and accepting (yeah, I am REALLY from Brooklyn). Believed in the goodness of people. Giver of many hugs (even to thugs) and held many hands.
Then I got slapped in the face by the dicks of life, and it made me more aware of things- like how sometimes people do sucky things. Of course one learns you don't allow people to change you....or steal your shine-but walls get built and you don't put everything on your blog.:)
Anywho, so I don't like feeling things because that means I care...and caring means I can get hurt or want to kick throats in. Means if it goes away I'll miss it. Awww. Slowly, I'm becoming more emotionally mature and am handling things better. It's okay to care. It's okay not to. If things get effed, oh well, I've dealt with and will deal with a lot worse.
Its been a slow process though. Slow.

A lot of it has to do with being a proactive human being. Not just sitting around with your head up your own ass-or mine...unless...
I mentioned a few blogs ago about how I was looking into volunteering because I'm sick of it being all me, me, me. Being part of 'the bigger picture' helps with keeping things in perspective and being emotionally sound. Put out good, and it feels real good. You get over being scared of ...feelings, and just living life. Being appreciative of what you have and humbled by all you don't know. The ability to feel and not be a scared girl about it, is simply the best.

2 comments:

  1. the dicks of life are hard!

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  2. especially when they are slapping you in the face. some call it smurfing and enjoy that, I don't.:P

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