Thursday, August 13, 2009

Grammy's Rundown 2009

Maybe its our new president, but this years event seemed ‘laxed. I may even be a tad chiiller with my hatred. Hmm, then again I am mad passionate. Then I learn that Chris Brown AND Rihanna are not showing up because HE BEAT THAT ASS!!!- sure I do not condone abuse- just harsh shaking….but DAMN! Can you imagine anyone letting Chris Breezy hit them? Unless its Weezy after another ENCOUNTER at a mens glory hole. WOW. This years Grammy’s may be EXCITING. Especially since Beyatch isn’t making an appearance- ever notice she can’t make it when Jennifer Hudson is getting her shine on?! Cheers to ‘limestone' rock!…and so begins my rundown:

- U2 opened the show and they were awesome as usual. Have I ever mentioned the crush I’ve had on Bono and Adam Clayton. Yeah. Through most of my teenage years. They are still hot now, but I feel that we would all sit around sipping aged whiskey and talk shit. GET ON YOUR BOOTS!- except calf boots for me. Ugh. Then Bono asks where Whitney Houston is? I get concerned…then she comes out!
- Whitney Houston looked GREAT! No so cracked out. Definitely drunk, but her weight was up and the wig was TIZZIGHT! Totally forgot about Whiskey…I mean Whitney when she announced J.Hud winning a Grammy for her album! She looked GREAT. I was also happy that her fiancée- who I deemed MAD SUSPECT with his sexuality- looked real manly. Seems like someone MANNED UP!
- The Rock…I mean Dwayne Johnson was there? I cannot hate. He can get IT anytime, anyplace. The man is hot. Don’t care if he speaks, yodels, raps…he’s hot.
- Justin Timberlake may do so many wrongs, but he is alright. He and Al ‘Grits’ Green KILLED IT. Especially since it was last minute due to Chris Brown BEATING Rihanna’s ass! Did he beat it to a beat? Did they make each others ears bleed with the notes they THINK they can hit? Oh to be a fly on the wall.
- Simon Baker announces Coldplay. Mmm mmm. The Mentalist…cunnilingist…same thing. Chris Martin appears playing a colorful piano. I have a MAJOR WBM. White boy moment. Its filled with vanilla cupcakes and brie covered crackers. This all gets RUINED when Jay Z appears! Ugh. Thankfully Coldplay performs ‘Viva La Vida’ which is one of my favorite songs from last year. *le sigh* at Chris Martin’s man belly. So sexy.
- I LOVE Carrie Underwood. HATED her dress, LOVE her.
- Then Duffy and Al Green give out an award. Duffy reminds me of a meth head that has turned to alcohol to maintain some kind of buzz.
- Who let Kid Rock into the show? Who?
- Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus perform. Yawn.
- Um. Someone put Robert Plant into a case. Lock it. Set it adrift. I KNOW, Led Zep=LEGENDS…but really. Come on. At least send him on a quest to find out who did THAT to Sir Paul McCarteney’s face.
- Jennifer Hudson’s performance was AMAZING. I cried like a baby. She looked great and I keep my fingers crossed for her.
- Don’t know what it is, but I kinda wanna punch Jason Miraz in the face.
- WTF?!!!!!! I understand needing a paycheck. I fault no one for that. Strippers, ho’s, hustlers…BUT Stevie Wonder?? Jonas Brothers??? Or Jo Ho’s as I call them. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS WORLD??!! Tough economic times call for anything to happen, but Stevie, shit cannot be THAT real. One of them ho’s couldn’t even remember lyrics!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(this is just me screaming uncontrollably)
- ….Katy Perry is really cute and I like her. The pin-up look is what’s up.
- I don’t really know how well Kanye and Estelle sounded because I was distracted by his HAIR and her DRESS. Both were atrocious. - YAY!! Adele. MY Adele won! I love her. Its also cool that I don’t have to go on a killing spree if them Jo Ho’s won. Whew.
- Um, does Morgan Freeman have a fake arm now? Cool, but creepy!
- Diddy (ugh) wore lavender, which I hear from Mo means he is GULLY…in LES.
- Kenny Chesney performed, but I began Google chatting with Ali and missed it. Oops.
- Queen Latifah announces the Jigga, Weezy, TI and Kanye performance. She looked AMAZING!!! MIA is my HERO! I have nothing to say about her outfit because that chick is about to drop a seed and she is hopping around on stage-if I am full after pizza slice, I am not hopping ANYWHERE. The Swagga performance was HOT TA DEATH! Something about dudes in tuxes makes me happy. Even made Jigga, The Beetle (Weezy) and Kanye look handsome. TI can ALWAYS get it from me. He may come up to my titties, but that just means more fun for me!! When he and JT performed there was MUCH moistness.
- John Mayer is fugly sexy and NeYo is gay.
- Adele’s performance was effortless and I don’t understand WHY that Sugarland chick had to join her and almost RUIN IT. She with her wide gait!- Radiohead=’nuff said. They are AWESOME. Thom Yorke needs a hot oil treatment, but that is my only beef!- SAM JACKSON! That’s all.
- Smokey Robinson comes out to introduce the Four Tops ’09 which includes Neyo and Jamie Foxx. Um…yeah. I don’t hate on Smokey because he is the king of the lightskins/high yella society so he ALWAYS wins.
- Neil Diamond = wow.The rest of the show involved Lil Weezy paying tribute to New Orleans which wasn’t horrible. Then Will.I.Am and T-Pain(ful) come out causing my uterus to try to escape my body. It feels that if THEY exist, it doesn’t wanna chance reproduction. *sigh* Green Day are always cool, but not when they are just introducing Stevie Wonder who is trying to redeem himself after that Jo Ho’s performance. All he did was point out that he needs a hair transplant or just to cut it all off.Overall, not a bad show. I was entertained. I still miss big DANCE performances…like when Janet Jackson would perform. Since Lil Wayne won best rap album (proving that it just doesn't matter anymore only DOLLA'S), I have decided to come out with a pop-dance album. Look for it to drop this fall. Imma dance-sing ALL AROUND the stage and maybe even pass out from all my…greatness. The album will be titled: Gimme Your Money Bitches So I Can Buy Hot Shoes.Kinda long, but catchy.I still don't like living in a world without Issac Hayes and Eartha Kitt. It isn't right.

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