Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Place Where I Work: Like The Office, but with more death...

You know how sometimes you’re watching the TV show The Office (English or American version) and you say to yourself, ‘my office is JUST like that except less funny’- I have been saying that all day today except this office is just as funny.

It started with CFO and I and hooking up computer speakers- well he was hooking them up for an admin and I was hooking up the ones at my desk. He feigned being shocked and says, “wow, someone who can do something themselves!” We chuckle and discuss the frailties of most people and how I was just in it to pop the bubble wrap- the speakers came wrapped in it. Exciting.

A new employee started today- am calling her Strong Handshake for now because…her grip was ILL yo! I had to make sure I still had circulation in my lil honey colored mits. SH seems nice and earnest. I like her because during an awkward elevator ride with Candy and I, she understood without chiming in. Basically, Candy was discussing someone else who works here, a woman I haven’t met because she’s been on vacay. From what I hear, she went to Jamaica and Martha’s Vineyard-so I have formed my own judgements about her.
Anywho, Candy enjoys me because I am laidback and don’t try to pop shit off- why would I, I am getting paid right? Not getting killed-yet…so its all hood. She says that the chick who isn’t here is a handful and she can’t WAIT for me to meet her. I was like…OH NO. Then Candy and I had a mental back n’ forth, which SH noticed, but stayed out of it. Candy can see the hint of –I will take you outside and proceed with the beat down if need be- in my eyes and says she had to set the chick straight a few times as well.
Candy also feels that Typical Movie Admin is a bit neurotic-tell me something I DON’T KNOW, but I said she has good intentions. Her brand of crazy I can deal with. Candy then repeated she can’t WAIT for me to meet the other chick on vacay.This could get interesting.
OH you’re probably wondering where Candy, SH and I were off too….we were getting our ID badges! It is soooo on folks. The only thing was, I wasn’t prepared to take a picture. I mean, the face is on point…the hair is alright…the outfit is cool, but ID pics and I NEVER.WORK.OUT!!! I either look like I am about: a) stab a bitch b) look constipated c) like I have 15 cats and eat ramen noodles on the regs.Decided to take matters into my own hands. Just as I as the picture is about to be taken, I smiled. Not just any smile- I did this head tilt, raised eyebrow, ‘I’m cute, right?’ kinda thing. Let’s just say the end result = me looking like I am THINKING about being constipated but realizing I have no time for that because I have to clean up the hairballs of my 15 cats!!! *le sigh*
If it wasn’t for my natural photogenicalness and cheekbones, it would all be for naught.

MIT has been keeping his distance. Now he stands at a desk further away and I catch him watching me. When I smile to kill the creepy vibe, he looks down (at possible erection) and walks away. Hmmm.

OMG! So, Vanilla Madeline and I have had a breakthrough. He’s cool with me, even asked my advice on restaurants in the Penn Station area-since I look like I have some style- I let him know that Penn Station and NICE restaurants do NOT go hand-in-hand. We decided against Korea-Town because no one wants to come back from lunch smelling like that- I don’t mind, but VM is a delicate creature. I then went to talk to him about something else and he took in my outfit. He gave me the twice over-paying SPECIAL attention to the shoes (told you!) and smiled. I almost did the cabbage patch. I swear next week we shall be doing happy hour with his lover Loy. Cannot WAIT!

To continue with our comedy lounge act-CFO and I-CFO stops by my desk to discuss why he can’t stop calling his iPod a walkman. I raised a hand up for a hi-5 and said that I had a walkman for years! Like I didn’t get an iPod till about 2 years ago- love love love making mixtapes. We deemed ourselves soulmates, but then realized that was too weird. Instead, I think we shall discuss the new West Elm shipment and sip martini’s, another relationship not built on anything sexual-just companionship. Much like VM and I…as for MIT our relationship might be built on sex n’ death. Hopefully less death though.

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