Thursday, August 13, 2009

Why am I single?

More frequently than usual I have been asked WHY I am single. It pleases me that after 5 minutes with me one can’t figure it out. Perhaps I am doing better with toning down the asshole and my natural inclination to offend. Some are just flabbergasted-but mostly I think they’re being kind to my ragged, unwanted single ass.

Being a thinker, I began compiling possible reasons as to why I am single so that I don’t just answer with my usual: I don’t know. I am fabulous, right!!That can come off a bit conceited which is not my thing. Instead, I’d rather have a stockpile of answers- that sound well thought out and like I sit around WONDERING why I am single all the time…besides just…I don’t know-LIVING MY LIFE.
So here’s what I’ve come up with:

-I am too much woman. (this is mad corny and sounds like I am bitter n’ drown my sorrows in apple martini’s. this also implies that I am into sorta-almost gay men who like a lil bit of woman. or maybe I have a smelly cooch or something-which is not very womanly at all. altogether not a good look, but it’s a great quick answer.)

-I am completely insane. (this is not totally untrue. I’m a tad…quirky, but not psycho because I don’t have the energy for that.)

-Haven’t found someone decent who’s attracted to the decency in me. (this one is pretty sweet, quick and I truly believe it. it may make me sound like I am mad ugly though.)

-I don’t put myself out and have a habit of pushing dudes away. (sad, but oh so true. its how I do-DID. not anymore…I think. I am not desperate and am not seeking anything, but then again it would be nice. need to walk to fine line.)

-I haven’t run into Idris Elba again. (seriously, if I see him again and we’re not just passing each other on the street…I.WILL.NOT.BE.SINGLE.ANYMORE!TRUST.)

-I may be too smart or too funny. (again, I sound like a pompous beatch, which is not cool. I guess I could use my ‘Daria-like’ sarcastic tone to make me seem LESS tool-y)

-I tend to like dudes who don’t like me back. (yeah…this doesn’t help the cause)

So far, I think my list is pretty legit. If you can think of any other reasons let me know because the more you know, the more I grow. :)

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