Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Place Where I Work: Everbody Loves Candy

Now here's a lil story that must be told about two chicks in my office that don't get along...
It is so FREAKIN' REAL with Bourgeois Black Mama and Candy! REAL! They don't even make an effort to be civil to each other! Its beyond the silent treatment and cold shoulder, its the blatant ignore and look of disdain if their eyes happen to fall upon each other.
Normally, I would play the role of 'child de divorcee parents'- you know the go-between. Trying to help everyone get along. Bring them together in laughter-at my expense. Bat my eyes and get all innocent so they have to work together to help...
I would be doing all this if I.gave.a.fuck! I don't know what it is about today, but I hate the world!-this could be because my eyes opened at 2AM and couldn't go back to sleep till about 5:45AM....my alarm goes off at 6:30Am...so one can understand my feelings of intense hatred of all things good, bad n' in between.
The stalled train ride into work didn't help either.

So, I get here and its the Ice Age...yet weird because every one's excited to have Candy back. Aww she was missed by MIT, For The Fuck of It, the Asians that work in the corner AND CFO-who brought her lunch (bah humbug). I also informed Candy that the FedEx, UPS and mail person missed her as well. This prompted her to tell me how she thinks the mail person (a female) is a lesbian and wants to get with her and that the FedEx dude asked her out to lunch. I was about to say something subtly rude- because my mouth is like that when I am tired grumpy...but then Candy informed me that she is glad to be back at work to get her mind off of thangs. Her dog died of cancer-awwwww- even I can't hate on that. So, I said some kind words...told her she was missed and went back to my desk before I said something hateful.
When I got back to my desk, I realized that BBM was giving me major 'tude. Oh man. The thing is, BBM can't help but *heart* me, so she gets over it soon and we are back to being cool. Awww.

...seriously though, I am not a jealous person- I pretend, but I am not, it involves too much energy that could be used to procure ice cream or have good times. Can't help but feel a certain way though about how CFO's eyes light up when he's around Candy and how even MIT is gigglin'. FTFI was the kicker when he exclaimed how MUCH everyone missed her- like I am a horrific BEAST!
May have squinted my eyes and slowly shook my head with disapproval as FTFI walked by me afterwards. He put his head down...almost like he was sorry...that I HEARD!!
MIT is dead to me. DEAD. He was gigglin' and all normal acting with Candy! Bleah.
Am just done with this office- perhaps because I really will be done at the end of this week!

....now mama didn't raise no fool! All the while seeming to charm the New York office, I've been making fast friends via email, in the San Diego office. Am hoping that they REALLY fall under my charms and request that I come to work with them IMMEDIATELY.
To which I'll say, YESSSSSSSSSS.
Then they'll explain how I am being put up in a beach-front condo, fully furnished with eclectic trinkets because they have a sense of my amazing style.
I'll explain that I don't know how to drive.
They'll say, no worries that they'll provide a chauffeure driven (charcoal gray a la Jigga) Maybach to get me around...even on weekends.
I'll miss my fam, but they'll understand!!
Just have a few more days for my plans to come to fruition...in the meantime, my other agency called and said the soccer company wants me back-they always do.


  1. For real, though, who wouldn't want you back?

    I think you're just havin' a tough day, though. By next week you'll be having dreams about MIT standing in the window of his office!

    Anyone good at the soccer company? They hiring?

  2. hahahahahah I forgot to mention that MIT did the door close stare at me thing. creepy.
    both places aren't hiring. dang soccer company would be too much though...talk about CHAIR SLIDIN'!

  3. girrrrrrrl! first, SOCCER PLAYERS come in. tall body-like-what soccer players!!! THEN, the dudes that work there. some of the are just really hot. all international style. colombian, italian, straight african, spanish, etc.-all hot, all athletic and they all play soccer after work. i get to watch these mofo's change from tailored suits to shorts n' cleets.
    needless to say, that place makes me VERY happy.